Have Wit, Will Travel

The Swashbuckler

2011-10-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lot of confusion as to what exactly a swashbuckler is. I'll start like every other Sacrament talk or public speech: With a dictionary definition of the subject of my discourse.

swashbuckler

[swosh-buhk-ler, swawsh-] Origin

noun

a swaggering swordsman, soldier, or adventurer; daredevil.

Zorro. The Dread Pirate Roberts. The Three Musketeers. Most of the characters portrayed by Errol Flynn on the silver screen. These are all classic examples of swashbucklers. A swashbuckler is typically unarmored, relying on his wits, speed, and charm to see him safely through his adventures. He is prone to swinging from chandeliers, dueling villains with his rapier, and engaging in witty repartee.

I have been slightly obsessed with the concept since I was a kid. My first email address was the_swashbuckler@hotmail.com (Like most hotmail accounts, it has since become my dumping ground for websites who want my email address to register but that I know will send me spam). Part of the reason I learned French was because I had fallen in love with this mythos of the witty adventurer. This is also why I took up fencing. My favorite superhero growing up was always Spider-man, the swashbuckler of superheroes (okay, I know, Nightcrawler is a better fit, but he was always a favorite too).

This brings me to Halloween. Living in Korea, Halloween is not celebrated much here. However, I have been sort of planning possible costumes for next year. What can I say? You can take the American out of America, but you can't take America out of the American.

Looking back at my costume choices in the past, I'm beginning to see a pattern:

Halloween 2007: I am Le Scorpion, an Italian swashbuckler from a French comic book:

Halloween 2008: I was a Musketeer (Aramis, my favorite).

This was a collaboration costume for a French Club Halloween party. My good buddy Greg Jackson was the stalwart Athos and we even had a girl from the Master's program play Porthos to round out our triumphant trio.

In 2009 I was in France, again a country without the costumed traditions of the 31st of October.

Halloween 2010: I decided I'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts. We were able to wear our costumes to work, and I made sure to take no prisoners:

This was fun because most of my co-workers were dressed up as well. There was a Princess Peach to my left and the most impressive costume of all was a Gizmo-duck from the old cartoon Darkwing Duck. He even had the unicycle.

And this brings me to brainstorming for my next costume. I've decided if I grow my hair out a bit, I could maintain my swashbuckling tradition with the roguish Flynn Rider:

I even found a pretty good costume!

I'd have to trade in my sword for a trusty frying pan, but I think there's enough of a resemblance there to pull off a pretty good Flynn. So this is where I find myself, trying to justify spending 70 bucks on a Halloween costume. I really need to meet a girl that can sew, my life would be much simpler then.

What sort of themes do you find yourselves drawn to for Halloween? Are there any other swashbucklers out there? Classic movie monsters? Superheroes? It's the one day a year where it's okay to be whoever you like. Do not let it pass you by!

I Stumbled Upon an Interesting Blog Today

2011-10-26T21:38:00.001-07:00

Browsing through the blogosphere, I came across a blog from a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. I hadn't thought much about this particular disorder in awhile, but it used to be a topic of interest to me. This blogger is a high functioning professional and seems to be on the road to recovery with therapy. Blogging about her road seems to be helpful to her as well, and gives the rest of us some insight into what she is going through. It's definitely made me more hopeful that she will eventually feel understood.

http://downwardspiralintothevortex.blogspot.com/2011/06/road-to-recovery.html is the address. If any of you are curious as to what goes on in the head of someone who has this disorder, its definitely worth the read.

Rules are Meant to be Broken

2010-09-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

Today my youngest sister told me she was reading a book called "The Rules". I was only vaguely aware of this book before, but the more she described it, the more I did not like it.

From Wikipedia:

The book argues that in order to attract and marry the man of her dreams, a woman should be 'hard to get'. The underlying philosophy of which is that women should not aggressively pursue men, but rather ought to get the men to pursue them.

I'm very much against the games people feel like they have to play, this whole 'don't let him know you like him or he will value you less' mindset is ridiculous. There have been several times where finding out a girl was interested in me actually made me look at her more favorably, even made her more attractive in return.

Basically the Rules play off of the bit of psychology that says men want what they can't have, so if you want to trick him into liking you, pretend you don't care for him. Women aren't the only one to use this play. Men do it too. Its called 'Treat the girl like you're a total jerk and she'll end up wanting you more.' We've all seen the a-hole guy with the girl that's totally into the neglect or occasional abuse he dishes out. It works. That doesn't mean its okay.

That's the defense I hear about "The Rules". They work! Fine..they might. But if you have to trick a guy into liking you, is that really the guy you should be dating?

To me, the whole story seems very familiar:

Luke: Is the Dark Side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker. Easier. More seductive...

It would be easier to get a girl's interest by mistreating her. I've gone down that road before. Its almost sad how easy it is. But is that the kind of low self-esteem person I want to be with? While easier, it leaves a hollow victory in the end.

Let's look at some of the infamous "Rules":

2. Don't talk to a man first.
3. Don't talk too much.
4. Don't meet him halfway
6. Don't accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday (even if you were planning on sitting at home complaining to your roommates that you're bored, you have to make him think you lead a glamorous life filled with dates and you can only just barely book him if he calls far ahead of time...like you're the freaking Per Se)
12. Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day (make sure he pays the monetary transaction required for his end of the bargain...but you're not a prostitute, let's make that clear)
13. Don't See Him More Than Once or Twice a Week

Okay, so far so good. Besides setting back women's rights by about three decades, they aren't completely weird. Just a lot of "pretend you're someone you're not so he'll like you and if you're interested in him FOR HEAVENS' SAKE DO NOT LET HIM FIND OUT!!!".

But then the rules start to get really weird.

23. Don't Date a Married Man (Okay...good advice. Kind of obvious but if you're reading self-help books maybe it bears repeating)
26. Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need the Rules (Ie: Don't ever let him find out what you're really like, keep pretending to be disinterested or he might grow bored with you. Remember, men love a challenge!)
31. Don't Discuss the Rules With Your Therapist

Wait....WHAT?! Does that raise a red flag to anyone else? There's a whole chapter devoted to not letting your trained licensed professional know that you're following life advice from an accountant and a freelance journalist? How long is this chapter? Is this like the first rule of Fight Club?

First rule about "The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right":
Don't talk about "The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right".

39. Men Can Handle it if You are Dating Other Men as Long as You are Still Available for Him (written like a woman who's never been in a relationship with a man before)

And the list of Rules goes on, explaining how you should not leave the house without makeup on, never answer the phone on the first ring, etc.

Here's my rules for dating, from a guy's point of view:

1. Be yourself. Don't trick a guy into liking a glamorous phantasm you create for him. Don't try to be what you think he will like. If you do, that's a mask you're going to have to wear forever, because if you do end up getting married, he's going to eventually see the real you. You deserve to be dating someone who likes you for who you are.

2. Be honest. Laugh at his jokes if you find them funny, not because a Rules tells you to. If you're excited to talk to him, its okay to let him know. Its okay to beat him at a game you're better at than he is. Its okay to let him know you're smart, maybe even an equal partner to his own intellect, rather than a subservient food making sex machine.

Those are all the rules I can think of. They probably don't work as fast or as easily as the "Rules", but I think you'll be happier with the end result.

Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel?

2010-09-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

I freaking love the Scarlet Pimpernel. For those of you who have no idea who that is, go read the book right now.

http://etext.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/OrcPimp.html

Go for it, I'll wait.

We done? Okay. For those of you too lazy to read a book, even an electronic one, let me sum up. He's the freaking Batman of the French Revolution: Rich, debonair, but entirely shallow and vapid playboy by day, but by night, he dons a secret identity and saves people from certain death.

This is a hero who survives by his wits, by staying one step ahead of his enemies, and above all, by projecting a foppish facade that serves as a shield against suspicion.

As someone who often plays the fool, this guy is my hero. He manages to dance circles around his enemies without them even fully realizing that they've been completely taken.

"I say, I do believe DC Comics owes me a royalty...wot?"

The musical based on the book is playing this month in Ogden, Utah. My friend is organizing a trip to go see it and I want to go. Unfortunately, he wants me to bring a date.

"But David, you're in Provo. There's literally thousands of girls just waiting to be asked out on such a marvelously classy date as going to the theater," you might say. And yes, you are probably very right. And the last time we made such an excursion, I had no trouble finding one.

Unfortunately, things have changed (see my last entry). This is not the Provo of 2008. Though I see beautiful girls all over campus, I don't know any of them (and I'm not very good at asking complete strangers to drive to Ogden and see a play with me).

Sadly, my life is this: Wake up, drive to Lehi for work, get off work, drive to the campus library, research my thesis until midnight, go to bed, wash, rinse, repeat. This leaves precious little 'get out and meet new friends' time, and even less time for romance.

So I feel like the sailor, stranded on a piece of driftwood, saying "Water, water all around and not a drop to drink" before he dies of thirst in the middle of the ocean. I'd love nothing better than to buy a ticket for a girl to experience what is without a doubt my favorite musical of all time. (Okay, I realize its not super manly to have a favorite musical, but don't judge!) The only trick is...finding the girl!

The Return of the King

2010-08-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

Warning: In case you couldn't tell by the title of this post, I'm going to geek out a little. If you're geeky enough to read blogs but not geeky enough to admit you enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movies, you should probably stop reading. ;)

I have returned from Europe and I now find myself back in Provo, Utah. It is a very strange feeling. While I was in France, I listened a bit to the soundtrack in the Lord of the Rings. I noticed something meaningful in the songs chosen for the end credits. They all speak of a journey at different stages.

From Enya's "May it Be" (The Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack):

May it be an evening star

Shines down upon you

May it be when darkness falls

Your heart will be true

You walk a lonely road

Oh! How far you are from home...

A promise lives within you now....

Out of context, it sounds like something off of an EFY cd, a metaphor for a Parent's wishes for a child beginning life's journey through this mortal coil. But in my context, it was talking about my trip through Europe. Though I did not admit it, I sometimes felt like Frodo- a very small hobbit off on a very big adventure, (only with shoes and with green eyes instead of Elijah Wood's oh-so-baby blues).

You can't tell from the pictures, but I'm actually taller too...

Then winter came, and my contract seemed interminable. Thanksgiving and Christmas made me realize how long it had been since I'd seen my family and friends, and suddenly Gollum's song became my anthem.

From "Gollum's Song", the Two Towers soundtrack:

Where once was light, now darkness falls

Where once was love, love is no more

Don't say goodbye, don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry are falling rain

For all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame

And we will weep to be so alone

We are lost, we can never go home

Now, I certainly didn't feel as overdramatic as the schizophrenic Smeagol, but that line "We are lost, we can never go home..." rang true. But winter passed and the sun came out, and soon my return home was pressing close.

When the journey was almost over, suddenly "Into the West", from the Return of the King, fit perfectly:

Lay down

Your sweet and weary head

Night is falling

You have come to journey's end

Sleep now

And dream of the ones who came before

They are calling

From across a distant shore

Why do you weep?

What are these tears upon your face?

Soon you will see

All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms

You're only sleeping

What can you see

On the horizon?

Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea

A pale moon rises

The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn

To silver-glass

A light on the water

Grey ships pass

Into the West

This was my favorite of the three soundtracks. The song is a melancholy mix of hope and wistful regret, a sort of nascent nostalgia as Frodo realizes his journey is over and, while weary, is sad to see it end. I felt the same sort of thing at the end of my time as a missionary, and I felt it again as I sat in the airport waiting to return to the states.

So the Lord of the Rings is about journeys, specifically, Frodo's journey to Mount Doom, but also Aragorn's journey to his destiny as King. These journeys can be perilous in and of themselves, but as Bilbo warned his nephew "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."

Now I find myself, like Frodo, back home in the West, carried by grey ships that fly so high that the water in the clouds appeared as silver-glass. And like Frodo, I find myself unable to recognize my old haunts. Did Provo change so much in a year? So many of my friends are gone, graduated, married, or moved on that where once I could not walk five minutes without seeing a friendly face, now I see only strangers. Or is it myself that has changed? I feel that sense of isolation that is so common a trope for the hero of a travel-tale upon returning home.

Was Thomas Wolfe right when he said "You Can't Go Home Again?"

My brother and I walking our hobbit sized nephew home...

Free Market Mind Trick

2010-06-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

People seldom know why they do things. Oh, most people think they know their own motivations, but few people actually sit down and ask themselves why they say, act, or think the way they do. For some reason, the shower is the place where I review the previous day. Something about being in a closed space with no distractions but the routine of cleaning makes me introspective. Yesterday, I had an epiphany..

I hate free market economies.

Or rather, I hate the innovations that come from them...

More specifically, I hate having to choose between two high price items that both seem equally great.

Here's my dilemma. Its about time for me to get a new phone, my old one is on its last legs. For the past few years, everyone has been telling me how great the Iphone is. My friends, my coworkers, even my own brother and father have been singing its praises. Its just got so many useful apps! Its like all of a sudden everyone's got little computers in their pocket, like Penny from the old Inspector Gadget cartoon! The future is now! (In this example, the future is a cartoon from the late 80's, but you get the idea)..

You gotta admit, this thing was go-go-Gadget awesome!

My point is that for as long as I've been entertaining the notion of a new phone, the almost universal consensus was 'if you want the best and you're willing to pay for it, get an Iphone'.

And I loved that. My world was simple. Easy. Goal: Get a great phone. Solution: Get money, but an Iphone. It couldn't be less complicated.

Then one day, out of nowhere, suddenly everyone is talking about this phone called an Android...or a Droid, for short. Apparently, what it lacks in app support, it makes up for in other cool features, like the ability to play certain kinds of media files that the iphone can't, or the fact that its name makes me think of Star Wars.

Now all of a sudden, my world is cast into doubt and confusion! I have to actually RESEARCH this stuff and find out what the best item is. Its not like when I bought a handheld video game player and the Gameboy DSi was the big dog in the yard. Suddenly there are two contenders and I can't get good odds on either one.

They're both so expensive that I really don't want to make the wrong choice and have to regret it later....because, like this stormtrooper, it would haunt me forever:

Carriage Wit Classics: Non-Smokers : The Oppressed Majority

2010-04-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

Today's Carriage Wit Classic comes from four years ago, during my days as a corporate wage-slave.

"Cover for me for a few minutes, I'm going to take a smoke break." If I had a dime for every minute I covered for a co-worker so he could go outside and fill his lungs full of tar, I'd be making a lot more than minimum wage. A LOT more.

With new scientific evidence pointing out that second-hand smoke is EVEN MORE HARMFUL than originally thought, I wonder why at jobs we actively encourage smoking by letting people take five minutes off of work whenever they feel the urge to light up a cancer stick?

"But David, they feel so much more relaxed after a smoke." Well yeah..that's called getting a five minute break from a stressful job. Let me go stand outside for five minutes without anything to worry about and I'll be a lot more relaxed too.

"But David, they're so addicted that its impossible to go any period of time longer than an hour without smoking something."

Wow. That's really sad on a lot of levels. Fine, let them take their smoke breaks. But as a nonsmoker (and thus as an employee who doesn't tire as quickly, has better breath and teeth for customer service, and is far less likely to get cancer and suck up sick leave or company life insurance), I deserve to take five minute breaks whenever I'm sick of my job too. Instead, I stay behind and have to cover the job of two people, instead of just myself. Do I get paid more for my efforts? Nope. Its just part of the job. Its what I get for not sucking on a stick of burning chemicals.

Another thing I was thinking about today as I swept up literally dozens of cigarette butts from the front of the store...Why does smoking give you a carte blanche on littering? If I were to walk by and throw a candy bar wrapper on the ground in front of people I'd get glared at at best, and forced to pick it up and throw it away at worse. But when someone finishes a cigarette, its perfectly acceptable to flick the toxic stub casually onto the sidewalk or road or wherever it is you are standing. Anyone who's ever volunteered to clean up a highway can share my frustration here. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE TURNING YOUR BODY INTO AN ASHY JUNKYARD DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TRASH THE OUTSIDE WORLD TOO!

Its bad enough you're giving us cancer just by walking by, but do we have to do your jobs and clean up your cigarette butts too?

Why is it that whenever a restaurant is forced to prohibit smoking on the premesis it makes the papers and causes a huge fit about civil rights, but everyone accepts the above incidents like its just the natural part of life?

Your rights end when they infringe on mine.

(This has been a public service announcement from our good friend Common Sense)

Manly Library: A Reading List (Part 1/4)

2010-04-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

Just because school is soon to be out doesn't mean we can neglect reading for three months! Consider this my public service message for reading! The more you know!

Butterfly in the sky...I can fly twice as high! Take a look! Its in a book! Its

On the Art of Manliness website, I have discovered a list of the 100 Books every man should read.

Being both a man and literate, I decided to see how I am doing thus far in my man-life. It seems I have quite a bit of reading to do before I die.

100. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald Status: Read

I remember reading this one in high school and finding it tolerable. It does, however, teach the man-lesson that often times the wanting is better than the having.

“He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles… It faced–or seemed to face–the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor.”

99. The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli Status: Read

Loved this one. Machiavelli gets a bad rap, but really he's just putting forward a neo-realistic's guide to gettingn power and keeping it.

"From this arises an argument: whether it is better to be loved than feared. I reply that one should like to be both one and the other; but since it is difficult to join them together, it is much safer to be feared than to be loved when one of the two must be lacking."

98. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut Status: Unread. Want to Read.

I think I'm the only person in the world who didn't have to read this book in high school. From what I heard, I missed out.

97. 1984 by George Orwell Status: Read

Loved this one. Rarely is a book so influential that the author's name becomes an adjective to describe an entire concept, but 1984 introduces the "Orwellian" future dystopia to modern readers.

“But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”

96. The Republic by Plato Status: Read

I not only read this, I was a student teacher for a class based around it. Every man should be a philosopher, and there's no better place to start than with Plato, the foundation of western thought.

95. Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky Status: Unread. Ambivalent.

This one is mostly intimidating by its bulk, though thankfully its not War and Peace. I hope to get around to this one eventually, but its not high on the priority list.

94. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger Status: Unread. Ambivalent.

I think I missed the window of opportunity here. When I was 16 or 17 I might've had enough angst and cynicism to be on board, but that ship has sailed.

93. The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith Status: Read

Another gem of my college education, this little book of common sense set the wheels of modern economics turning.

“It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages.”

92. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway Status: Unread. Curious

Hemingway is one of those authors so manly that even his semi-auto-biographical adventure books turn out to be rather tame compared to the adventure that was his actual life.

91. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde Status: Unread. Want to read.

For all of you dapper gents and debonair swashbucklers, this book is full of impeccable wit and clever one-liners guaranteed to put the Bond back into your game. Its a novel about pure decadence, and that's straightup interesting. Its one of the reasons I loved "Dangerous Liaisons".

90. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck Status: Read.

Another high school English book, I remember it being long and dry, perhaps not unlike California grapes left too long on the vine in the sun. It does have some manly qualities, most notably the lenghts a man will go to provide for his family.

“Fear the time when the strikes stop while the great owners live – for every little beaten strike is proof that the step is being taken…fear the time when Manself will not suffer and die for a concept, for this one quality is the foundation of Manself, and this one quality is man, distinctive in the universe.”

89. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley Status: Unread. Curious.

I'm always a sucker for a dystopian future..

88. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Status: Unread. Ambivalent

I've never been a fan of self-help books, but this one pre-dates that craze. This is a subject I've never had much trouble with, thanks to a liberal dotage of wit and charisma, but there's always room for improvement.

87. Call of the Wild by Jack London Status: Unread. Ambivalent

I'm a little tired of the 'man vs. nature' survival novel, but if I were to go back and read one, I'd select this one. I love me some Alaskan sled dogs.

86. The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris Status: Unread. HOLY CRAP THIS BOOK EXISTS?!

Theodore Roosevelt is the manliest American president ever! Even his biography doesn't have a lame title like "The Life of Theodore Roosevelt" or even "Theodore Roosevelt: Bear Killer". Its the RISE of THEODORE ROOSEVELT. Like its the ascension of a new epoch of manliness and mustaches, which, in a way, it was. I can't believe I never knew about this book!

85. Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss Status: Unread. Ambivalent

I might've liked this one as a boy but the magic of building tree houses and fighting pirates is something that doesn't quite grasp my imagination anymore.

84. Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac Status: Unread. Curious.

A book about escaping the pressures of modern life and getting back to appreciating the simple things. I'm basically living that life right now in my poverty...after reading this book I can say its more of a beatnik disdain for wealth and stability and less the result of student loans.

83. The Illiad and Odyssey of Homer Status: Read

(2 for 1 special). The first thing I did after learning how to read was devour all the Dr. Seuss books in the kindergarten library. Once that was done, the SECOND thing I did was wander into the Mythology section and start reading everything I could get my hands on in Greek and Roman mythology. I've loved it ever since, and these two books do not disappoint my thirst for the epic.

82. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller Status: Unread. Curious.

Another book that influenced modern terminology. Don't be a Michael Scott and use this phrase without a passing familiarity of its origins.

81. Walden by Henry David Thoreau Status: Read

This one goes back to my teenage years, sitting outside in a tree in the summer waxing philosophical and even sentimental about the tranquility of nature. Though I'm not totally on board with the Transcendental movement, I think ever man deserves a sabbatical from the this modern life at least once.

80. Lord of the Flies by William Golding Status: Unread. Want to read.

Another high school classic that I missed out on. I've always been fascinated by sociology and human behavior, as well as what happens when you strip the veneer of civilization from our brutal natures.

79. The Master and the Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov Status: Unread. Curious.

My exposure to Russian literature is sadly lacking, but this one sounds good. The devil visits Moscow and makes fun of their enlightened skepticism.

78. Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut Status: Unread. Curious.

Written as a fake autobiography, its supposed to be a hillarious take on abstract art that makes fun of the inflated self-importance of the artists and the high brow elite who consume it.

77. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand Status: Read.

An intimidating read at 1,084 pages, this was the perfect companion for one of my trans-atlantic flights to Europe. The fundamental concept is that our world falls apart when individuals stop seeking their own satisfaction through personal achievement and feel a sense of entitlement to the accomplishments and work of others. This book challenges us on many levels…you may find it conflicting with your value of other people, her treatment of God, or any other beliefs you already hold. Yet, who can argue with “The most depraved type of human being … (is) the man without a purpose.”

76. The Metamorphosis by Frank Kafka Status: Unread. Curious

A man wakes up in his bed finding himself transformed into monstrous vermin? Interesting premise..

Considering the bulk of my university education has been based around French literature, I'd say I'm not doing too badly. Still, there's a lot left to read... Next post I will look at 75-51 on the list. In the meantime, what books have you read? Are there any on the list that I haven't read that you think aren't worth the read? Men, what books on this list are on your "to read" bucket list? Which ones have you read and enjoyed? Which of my unread books should be highest on the priority list? Lowest?

Ladies, what about you? Its a Manly Library, but there's no surer way to learn how we think than to read the compilation of literature on the subject of manliness.

And with that, I'm off to go sit in the park and read.

French Folklore: Bluebeard

2010-03-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

Ostensibly, one of my projects out here has been to research French folklore for the thesis I am writing. I like looking at the legend and then finding out what parts of it come from history and which parts are myth. Unfortunately, in the case of the story of Bluebeard, the truth is far more disturbing than the fiction...

Warning: The true story is deeply disturbing. If you have a weak stomach, stop reading when the fairy tale ends.

The Legend (as summarized by wikipedia):

Bluebeard is a very wealthy aristocrat, feared because of his "frightfully ugly" blue beard. He had been married several times, but no one knew what had become of his wives. He was therefore avoided by the local girls. When Bluebeard visited one of his neighbours and asked to marry one of her two daughters, the girls were terrified, and each tried to pass him on to the other. Eventually he persuaded the younger daughter (Perrault does not name the woman, but many versions state her name to be Fatima) to marry him, and after the ceremony she went to live with him in his château.

Very shortly after, however, Bluebeard announced that he had to leave the country for a while; he gave over all the keys of the chateau to his new wife, including the key to one small room that she was forbidden to enter. He then went away and left the house in her hands. Almost immediately she was overcome with the desire to see what the forbidden room held, and finally her visiting sister, Anne, convinced her to satisfy her curiosity and open the room.

The wife immediately discovered the room's horrible secret: Its floor was awash with blood, and the dead bodies of her husband's former wives hung from hooks on the walls. Horrified, she locked the door, but blood had come onto the key which would not wash off. Bluebeard returned unexpectedly and immediately knew what his wife had done. In a blind rage he threatened to behead her on the spot, but she implored that he give her quarter of an hour to say her prayers. He consented so she locked herself in the highest tower with her sister, Anne. While Bluebeard, sword in hand, tried to break down the door, the sisters waited for their two brothers to arrive. At the last moment, as Bluebeard was about to deliver the fatal blow, the brothers broke into the castle, and as he attempted to flee, they killed him. He left no heirs but his wife, who inherited all his great fortune. She used part of it for a dowry to marry her sister to the one that loved her, another part for her brothers' captains commissions, and the rest to marry a worthy gentleman who made her forget her ill treatment by Bluebeard.

This story comes to us from Charles Perrault. It is one of the folk tales he chronicled in his Histoires ou Contes du Temps Passé. It is believed to have come from the Brittany region of France. On the surface it seems to be just another tale of feminine curiosity and how dangerous it can be. (Eve, Pandora, Lot's Wife, Psyche....even Belle from Beauty and the Beast couldn't keep her nose out of that West Wing).

However, the historical inspiration for this tale is even more ghastly.

The History:

Gilles de Rais was a man of contradictions. A wealthy lord, baron, and Breton knight, he fought alongside Jeanne d'Arc and was a deeply pious man. He was also one of the most prolific serial killers of children known to history.

He became a war hero, most notably during the Seige of Paris, where he was granted the right to add the royal coat of arms to his own, and specifically commended by the king for his "high and commendable services", the "great perils and dangers" he had confronted, and "many other brave feats".

Once the war hero retired from military life, he began to spend his money lavishly. Much of it was drunk away during wild parties, but he also spent a small fortune constructing the Chapel of the Holy Innocents, dedicated to the young boys killed by Herod. This choice would prove tragically ironic, as de Rais had innocents of his own to slaughter.

According to his testimony and that of his associates, it was during this time that de Rais began dabbling in the occult. He testified that he began sacrificing children to the demon "Barron" in order to regain his squandered fortune. It is likely that this explanation was fed to him by the court in an effort to understand how a former hero could sink to such depravities.

He killed hundreds of children, mostly young boys. He tortured and raped them as he killed them, laughing as they died.

In his 1971 biography of Gilles de Rais, Jean Beneditti tells how the children were put to death:

"[The boy] was pampered and dressed in better clothes than he had ever known. The evening began with a large meal and heavy drinking, particularly hippocras, which acted as a stimulant. The boy was then taken to an upper room to which only Gilles and his immediate circle were admitted. There he was confronted with the true nature of his situation. The shock thus produced on the boy was an initial source of pleasure for Gilles."

Gilles' bodyservant Etienne Corrillaut, known as Poitou, was an accomplice in many of the crimes and testified that his master hung his victims with ropes from a hook to prevent the child from crying out, then masturbated upon the child's belly or thighs. Taking the victim down, Rais comforted the child and assured him he only wanted to play with him. Gilles then either killed the child himself or had the child slain by his cousin Gilles de Sillé, Poitou or another bodyservant called Henriet. The victims were killed by decapitation, cutting of their throats, dismemberment, or breaking of their necks with a stick. A short, thick, double-edged sword called a braquemard was kept at hand for the murders. Poitou further testified that Rais sometimes committed his vices on the victims (whether boys or girls) before wounding them and at other times after the victim had been slashed in the throat or decapitated. According to Poitou, Rais disdained the victim's sexual organs, and took "infinitely more pleasure in debauching himself in this manner...than in using their natural orifice, in the normal manner."

In his own confession, Gilles testified that “when the said children were dead, he kissed them and those who had the most handsome limbs and heads he held up to admire them, and had their bodies cruelly cut open and took delight at the sight of their inner organs; and very often when the children were dying he sat on their stomachs and took pleasure in seeing them die and laughed...”

Poitou testified that he and Henriet burned the bodies in the fireplace in Gilles' room. The clothes of the victim were placed into the fire piece by piece so they burned slowly and the smell was minimized. The ashes were then thrown into the cesspit, the moat, or other hiding places.The last recorded murder was of the son of Eonnet de Villeblanche and his wife Macée. Poitou paid twenty sous to have a page's doublet made for the victim, who was then assaulted, murdered, and incinerated in August 1440.

Though the outlying village was aware that something evil was taking place in the castle, none dared try to stop him, even as their children began to vanish. Peasants had been complaining for months that their children who went to the castle to beg never returned. However, it wasn't until de Rais kidnapped a cleric that an ecclesiastical investigation was sent and his crimes were unconvered.

He was charged by both ecclesiastical and secular courts of heresy, sodomy, and murder. It is difficult to know the exact number of his victims, because their remains were burned after the deed, but it is estimated to be anywhere between 80 and 600 victims between the ages of six to eighteen. He was sentenced to death by hanging followed by burning, and throughout the trial and to his death he seemed concerned about the welfare of his soul, terrified of going to hell. He was allowed to have a last confession, and just before his death, exhorted the throngs with 'contrite piety' before telling his accomplices to 'die bravely and think only of salvation'. On the 26th of October, he was hung and set aflame, though his body was cut down and buried before it was completely reduced to ashes.

This is one of those instances where the legend is far less horrific than the truth.

Sources:

www.wikipedia.org

Benedetti, Jean (1971), Gilles de Rais, New York: Stein and Day,

Wolf, Leonard (1980), Bluebeard: The Life and Times of Gilles De Rais, New York: Clarkson N. Potter, Inc.,

Guest Blogger: Zach Parker

2010-03-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

Former roommate and worldclass playboy billionaire Zach Parker has posted something very interesting on his blog . Head over there and join in the discussion. Its a conversation about faith, God, science, and above all, logic. Go weigh in!

Also, some housekeeping: In the interest of thwarting the ever-present threat of spammers, I've enabled comment moderation. This will keep us spam-free, as well as give me the chance to make sure the conversation stays civil here. I encourage debate and disagreement, but personal attacks and knee-jerk emotional reactions should be reeled in. A blog is a forum for sharing opinions, not hate, and I've seen too many other blogs comments sections turn into private flame-wars between two people that aren't even relevant to the post.

Without further ado:

The God Delusion’s False Conclusion

2010 MARCH 19

by Zach

Since the beginning of sentient man’s existence, people have wondered where they, as well as the universe, came from. For the majority of people, the answer has been simple: God (or a god, or gods) put it there. We really had no other way to explain the world. As time passed, and mankind developed science, the body of collective historical knowledge accessible to us grew. As more and more of the processes we witness were explained in technical terms, instead of as “miracles,” many began to believe that there was ultimately no reason to believe in a God; all natural phenomena could be dissected and explained. To these atheists, people who believed in any kind of supernatural or higher power were generally ignorant and easily manipulated. Religions existed for the purpose of uniting and controlling the masses. Moreover, religions weren’t just the quaint stupidities of the weak and simpleminded. They made enemies of peoples who didn’t worship the same God, leading to wars and acts of terrorism. An appeal to an authority higher and more important than any one person inspired people who were willing to kill and die to please their bloodthirsty God. Blind faith in an “invisible friend” would especially be dangerous when held by political leaders, who would therefore not govern rationally, but rather impose their beliefs on their subjects.

A fortunate or unfortunate fact, depending on one’s outlook, is that we cannot prove the existence of God. To do so would require the use of an alternate, “control” universe, in which we know for a fact that there is a God. By comparing our results, we could either lend credibility to, or disprove our hypothesis. We must remember, however, that “the burden of proof lies with the plaintiff,” meaning that not proving one hypothesis does not in itself prove its antithesis. The fact that my colleague cannot prove it is raining outside does not mean that I have proven that it is sunny. Likewise, the fact that atheism cannot be proven does not prove that there is a God.

However, the opposite of this statement is also true, because we do not have a control universe in which we know there is no God. In this case, atheism become the plaintiff case, the positive assertion of the nonexistence of God, wherein lies the burden of proof. If neither case can be experimentally proven, then the default state, or rather, the only conclusion at which we can arrive relying solely on fact we absolutely know, is that of agnosticism, the assertion that we cannot know whether or not there is a God. Aside from that, all we can do is rely on evidences for the existence or nonexistence of God, and arrive at our conclusion, just as a judge must weigh evidence for and against a given case in order arrive at a verdict. For the deistically inclined, these evidences can include personal, spiritual experiences. However, this verdict relies to some degree on faith – believing in something you can’t prove – regardless of how strong as the case for or against may be. This is a notion that the religious are used to and comfortable with, but that atheists will definitely have difficulty with. In order to satisfy ourselves with a conclusion of theism, the belief in the existence of God, or atheism, the belief in the nonexistence in God, we must rely on some amount of faith, contingent on the various empirical evidences we might have. Various arguments postulated over the centuries, from the teleological argument for the existence of an intelligent designer, to the problem of evil and its implications against the idea of an all-powerful and all-benevolent God, are merely evidences to support the feasibility of a conclusion. That conclusion, however, is ultimately sustained by faith.

The other arguments made against religions are subject to examination as well. Religion, especially national or otherwise organized, can lead to manipulation of the masses, discrimination against those “heathens” who do not share the faith, and even wars and terrorism. Leaders will govern by religious opinion, rather than by rational principle. These may be true, but looking closely, we can see that these implications could be true of an atheist society as well. The Reign of Terror under Robespierre and the Soviet Union under Stalin are two prime examples of atheist societies where discrimination, persecution, and terrorism occurred in the name of an enlightened, Godless, new order. Modern atheism, with its militant (or shall we say “evangelical”) approach can be every bit as bigoted and discriminatory as some manifestations of Christianity have been.

Furthermore, these arguments are true of any factor that divides people by party lines. Perhaps as notoriously divisive as religion throughout human history is the issue of race. Countless wars have been fought in the name of asserting one race’s dominion over another. We have no further to look back than the Rwanda crisis of the early 1990’s to see a society divided by race tearing itself apart. Yet abolishing race is certainly not the answer to solving this type of crisis. Religion, like race, is not the factor that turns brother against brother. People of diverse races and religions can coexist peacefully. A manipulative demagogue, looking for a bogeyman with which to scare the masses into unified submission, will never be at a loss for such divisive factors to separate factions, whether they be religion, race, socioeconomic class, political leaning, etc.

Vilifying religion and campaigning to eliminate it will not end religious strife. Majorities have always historically persecuted minorities. They are different and therefore threatening. And, as demonstrated above, neither conclusion can be unequivocally proven. Belief is in the eye of the beholder. Closed-mindedness is the condition wherein a person is unwilling to entertain the idea that contrary views might be right, not just “those who don’t agree with me are wrong because I have SCIENCE!” The important thing is to be secure enough in one’s own belief as to not feel threatened by the beliefs of others. That is the true way to peaceful coexistence. At least, that is what I believe.

7 Things I Hate (That Most People Love)

2010-03-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone's got a few things that everyone seems to love but you. Thanks to a bout of insomnia tonight, here are mine:

7. The word "anyways". It is always wrong. Always. Just say 'anyway'.

6. Sports movies. Am I missing something here? I just don't buy into 'winning the big game' as something that the audience needs to be emotionally invested in. And they're so formulaic. Loser team gets a new coach/quarterback/captain/funny animal player and suddenly they start winning. The underdogs (sometimes with a literal dog on the team) make it to the finals against Generic Bad Guy team who has been winning all season. Team Underdog wins at the last possible moment. Everyone hugs. There's no tension! You KNOW the outcome of the game before it even starts. Somehow watching a movie ABOUT a sport is less exciting than watching the sport itself. Think about that a moment. You're watching a movie about something that is actually less interesting than watching the thing itself. Imagine if Diehard was less exciting than a real office Christmas party. I saw Invictus last week with some of my students. Every person in the theater but me walked out of there thinking it was cinematic brilliance. Really? It was just like every other sports movie ever, except that rugby also cures racism. We already knew that American football cures racism, or am I the only one that Remembers the Titans? News Flash: Morgan Freeman playing the 'wise old black guy' and a team of underdogs winning the big game is not treading new ground.

5. Harry Potter: I tried to give this book a chance, I really did. Back when every book club in the country was devouring this little series I picked up the first one and gave it a go. I got about to the part where Harry makes it to Hogwarts when I realized I had read this story before as a child, except it was called Matilda. "My family is mean to me but its okay because I'm really a special child and I can use my magic powers to make everything better." Its a fun story..when you're a child. And Harry Potter works really well on that level. I just don't get why adults are camping outside waiting to find out what happens to a bunch of prepubescent British wizards. I'd put Twilight on the list too but thankfully I'm not nearly as isolated in my hatred of that literary abomination. And unlike Harry Potter, Twilight doesn't even work on the 'quality children's literature' level.

4. Apple: Not so much the products. I myself have an Ipod. The computers are fine if you don't mind that most computer games aren't going to be available and you're paying a lot more for the same specs a PC would give you. Its the whole idea of buying into a culture. Its like some kind of strange hipster title that you pay for. You get to call yourself a 'mac user' and smirk knowingly to other people who paid too much for their computer.

3. The Olympics: Honestly, this is another thing I don't get. Why in the world do we set aside a week every four years to pretend to care about sports that we never pay any attention to otherwise? Do we feel guilty that curling players (what are they called anyway...curlers?) are completely ignored when not competing for immortal glory? Does it have some kind of geopolitical significance I'm overlooking? Near as I can tell, aside from a platform to make the obligatory political gesture of boycotting the Olympics (take THAT, China's human rights policies!), they don't serve much of a function. Hitler attended the Olympics, and while it did give him a platform to make racist excuses for American gold medals, it didn't do much to stop World War II from happening. Great, so we finally can settle the question of which country produces skaters who can speed skate in a circle the fastest...Unless Jamaica is winning a bobsled race (you know how those underdog teams tend to surprise you), I'm not going to tune in.

2. Gyms: Someday, our descendants are going to look at this period in history and wonder how gyms were so successful. Here is a business where you pay to go do manual labor with a bunch of strangers. You know you live in an pretty decadent society when manual labor has somehow become a luxury item. We're literally so pampered that any kind of exercise has become something we'd pay for. And pay we do. Gym memberships are notoriously complicated contractual black holes that are nearly impossible to escape from. Combine that with gym representatives who are more pushy than a used car salesman to get a commitment out of you, and joining a gym is a very high pressure experience. What I hate most of all about gyms, though, is the industry that it is a part of. This is an industry that is worth billions of dollars and is based on the fact that we have very low self esteem. Magazines in the grocery store checkout aisles, diet pills, male enhancement, plastic surgery, weight loss programs, cosmetics, fashion, and gym memberships all have the same marketing plan: 1) The customer is unattractive and will die alone without our product. 2) Do we even need a step 2? Did you READ premise one?? And so, like vultures that prey on the rotting carcasses of our self worth, these businesses grow bloated on vanity and broken dreams.

1. Democracy. Yeah, I said it, and I'm only halfway kidding on this. Democracy, by its very definition, is rule by the average. That bell curve of intelligence puts the very smart in the minority. What does this mean when the majority is making every decision? It means that politics becomes theater, and the real issues of substance are watered down or forgotten in favor of impressing the slack-jawed masses. There's this cultural idea that you have a civic duty to vote, even if you have no idea what the issues are or what the candidates stand for. So when MTV 'rocks the vote', you get a bunch of people voting on things they are only vaguely aware of. What happens when decisions are made in ignorance? Is it good or bad for the country when policy is determined by people who are voting because they feel they have to, even if they don't know what they're voting for? I understand that democracy is better than other forms of government, but that's not really saying a lot. Some time in recent American history, it has become cool to be stupid. People are proud of their ignorance. Intelligent people are marginalized as 'elitist' and 'out of touch'. People would rather vote for the guy they could get a beer with then for someone with a high IQ (in some cases they would vote for that guy for 2 terms...) Politicians begin to sell empty buzz words like 'dream', 'change', 'hope', and 'rainbow' because the people that are voting want to feel reassured but lack the intelligence to demand substance. I could rant about the problems of 'rule by the average' all night, but the fact is, what is considered average seems to be getting less and less intelligent... I'd prefer to live in Aristotle's utopia or Plato's Republic to Obama or Palin's democracy...

There you have it...six things I hate that you probably love. And now that I've channeled all that rage into my keyboard, I can finally get some sleep. If I offended anyone...too bad. Insincere apologies would be number 8 on my list if I cared to go back and add it.

How I Met Your Mother

2010-03-09T13:57:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recommended this show to me and, though he rarely takes my recommendations to heart, I certainly trust his taste. Thanks to my ridiculously awesome brother, I am now in possession of four seasons of it and so far I'm loving it! At first I was skeptical...I am NOT a fan of canned laughter. It really makes the jokes less funny for me somehow. Its like I think if they have to put a laugh track in, then the joke wasn't good enough to stand on its own.

However, after the pilot episode I got over it. This is one of the smarter written sitcoms I've seen, though it isn't exactly a genre where there's a lot of competition (seriously, I challenge you to sit through a whole episode of Two and a Half Men). Its got one of my favorite people of all time: Neil Patrick Harris, and the other actors are great too. The character of Marshall, played by Jason Segel ("I Love You, Man") is great, as is his fiancee, the always adorable Alyson Hannigan (Willow of "Buffy" fame).

Its also a show that chronicles the romantic misadventures of a father recounting to his children how he met their mother (the show title doesn't leave you guessing). Its a show for anyone that's ever been the single friend watching his best friends get married while he feels single, constantly worried that it won't ever happen to him, but also strangely hopeful that it will. What is great is that you know it eventually happens to him; its a love story told in reverse. You know there's a happy ending, so you can enjoy all the pitfalls along the way.

It made me wonder, wouldn't life be great if we could live it like that? If all of these experiences we slog through now, all the heartaches, the disappointments, the comedic mishaps...they're just stories you're telling your kids that have grown humorous with the distance of time and the wisdom of perspective? I'd still prefer not to have canned laughter for mine, but...its a nice thought.

Why do I bring this up now? I just watched episode 12 of season 1, The Wedding, where this guy calls off his wedding because he wants to be single again. He wants his freedom, to be able to do what he wants. Being in a couple is hard and he's not sure if he wants to do it.

Ted, our protagonist, needs him to go through with it for his own selfish reasons (he is planning on taking the girl of his dreams as his 'plus one'). He asks his friend Marshall, the engaged guy, to talk him into it. Marshall says something very profound. He says not to marry her.

Marshall: Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices; it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry.

I love that quote, it sums up exactly what I lacked the eloquence to explain in my last post. Its moments like this where I realize the show has both wit and soul...a rare thing on network television. Funny and thoughtful... Maybe that's why I'm enjoying it, we have so much in common!

As a sidenote: Neil Patrick Harris is awesome. Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, and, surprisingly, James Franco, are my current favorite people in Hollywood.

Babelfish Not Necessary

2010-03-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

I was chatting with a friend today and it got me thinking once again about human nature, and how we as a society try to overcomplicate things.

In Utah, Gary Chapman's book on the Five Languages of Love is very much in vogue. Though I haven't read it, I am familiar with the premise and it has always rubbed me the wrong way. I could not put my finger on what it was exactly until today.

For those of you not up to speed with your pop 'psychology', Chapman outlines five love 'languages' used to express affection, and postulates that many disconnects in relationships are simply the result of both people speaking a different love language. They are:

Physical Touch.
Acts of Service.
Gifts.
Quality Time.
Words of Affirmation.

The idea, then, is that two people could love each other equally, but not feel loved simply because one is demonstrating his affection through gifts and the other through words of affirmation (for example).

This may indeed be the case in some situations. I have no idea what Chapman's academic credentials are, but I'm going to assume they're more impressive than mine in this field. But the problem with this theory is that, in practice, it complicates what is a rather simple issue. It is then used as a rationalization to prolong failing relationships. "Its not that she doesn't love me, she just values words of affirmation more than touch and I'm quite the opposite."

I contend that love is simpler and yet more involved than this. A healthy relationship isn't one in which you must calculate the exchange rate between caresses, compliments, and random acts of kindness. You shouldn't be wondering how many of his words equivocate one of your gestures. Love isn't an equation and you don't need Chapman's translation phrasebook to navigate its waters. Its actually a lot simpler...and therefore, sometimes it a harsher truth to face.

Relationships are either in balance or out of balance. By this I mean, either both parties are equally invested or they are not. They say that the person who cares the least about a relationship controls the relationship. This is true, of relationships and all things. When I am driving a beat up car, I know I can be more aggressive on the road than the guy in an expensive Ferrari. He can look at my dented bumper and realize that he has a lot more to lose than I do.

Control and power in a relationship are not happiness. In a healthy relationship, there is balance. His happiness is her's, and her's is his. Seeing that the other person is happy literally increases their own happiness. Its not a question of who is more invested in the relationship...they have achieved that state of unity that is described by Paul. They are of one heart and one mind, which is why they can be of one flesh without the complications and pain that inevitably when that first step is skipped.

It is rare to find a relationship in balance, but I am not being naive when I say that nothing less will do in a marriage. The trick is in finding a relationship where both partners are equally invested...and in knowing when that is not the case.

To paraphrase Michael Buble, I'd say pulling that off is about 50% timing and the other half is luck...

Just to prove that I'm not completely cynical in matters of the heart, I'll just go ahead and say that is a good note to end on. After all, I just haven't met her yet.

Carriage Wit Classics: Paris, Its Not Just For Lovers Anymore (Day 1)

2010-02-19T12:41:00.001-08:00

In today's Carriage Wit Classics, I'm revisiting my first trip to Paris, two and a half years ago.

Paris: Its not just for lovers anymore (Day 1)
This weekend I checked off another of my life 'to-do' list and visited Paris. I had spent several weeks already looking at the photos posted by friends of mine who are studying in Paris, so I had a hunger to experience the famous French capitol for myself. Though I wasn't able to meet with said friends, I was able to go with some friends from the program here in Brussels.

The following is a bit of a travelogue, mostly for the benefit of my mother and anyone else curious to hear of my impressions of the City of Lights. Pictures may be added later, as I scan my archaic disposable images into digital format or figure out how to transfer photos from my phone.

I decided I would be 'roughing it' this trip, foregoing a shower and change of clothes in favor of traveling light. I had my wallet, cellphone (unusable except as a watch and camera), train ticket, and my visa on my person. Before you turn up your collective noses in disgust at my hygienic sacrifice of a shower, let me remind you of the saying that begins "When in Rome..."

We left Brussels around 8 in the AM, catching a high speed train and arriving in Paris around 10:30. From there our first stop was the Eiffel Tower, iconic symbol of Paris. From the top, I was able to see the vast city in all its splendor, as well as plan out the rest of the day with my party of five: Jeff, a reserved, but friendly fellow on his second trip to Paris, Kamil, another Paris veteran from Poland who helped serve as guide on the trip, Odina, a girl from Izbekistan who was quite possibly even more excited to be in Paris than I was, and Dave, a Minnesota native with a penchant for tennis. We decided our next stop would be l'Arc de Triomphe.

After a brief visit to the arc we headed down the famed Champs Elysee and made our way eventually to our hotel room, just down the street from the infamous Moulin Rouge. The Moulin Rouge happened to be located on what Obi Wan would call "a wretched hive of scum and villainy." Sex stores, porno shoppes, and everything else you could possibly associate with everyone's favorite deadly sin filled both sides of the street.

We climbed quaint side streets, making our way to la Basilique Sacre-Coeur, a chapel on the hill on the edge of Paris that was not far from our humble abode. The cathedral was as massive as it was impressive, and the view of the city from the hill was panoramic and stunning. The true thrill of this area was a young European musician who had gathered a crowd of more than a hundred tourists around him. He sang covers of famous American rock songs as he played his amped guitar, accompanied by a random, very strange looking girl who convulsed comically in what we took to be dance. From the 'trying not to laugh' expression of our young artist's face, she was a stranger to him as well. The ambiance of a setting sun over Paris, sitting on the steps of a large cathedral while music is played behind you made us all want to stop and simply enjoy the moment. There is something about Paris that makes one feel more...artistic? Tranquil? The whole experience was soothing, almost spiritual, and certainly a welcome reprieve of the rush of touring the city.

As we were leaving, I had the pleasure of dealing with Senegalese con men. They stopped us and began to create for us "authentic African bracelets" while repeating "hakuna matata". He asked me to make a wish, which I did (and kept secret, of course). When the entire bracelet was finished, I was wearing a pretty cool looking string bracelet of interposing green, yellow and red (Senegal's colors, I was informed). He then demanded 10 euros for the service (nearly 14 US dollars). Meeting a con with a lie, I told him that all I had on my was three Euro, and escaped without paying the demanded price. Little did I know that the bracelet truly was lucky, and worth every centime.

That night, after a quick meal of (relatively) cheap Turkish food, we made our way back to the Eiffel Tower to see it light up at night. It was a sight to be remembered, and even the manliest of males in our group had to admit to ourselves in secret that it was a romantic one. I sat in the yard behind the tower and just watched it, content in the cool evening air. Around me, hundreds of other travelers did the same, some sipping wine pensively, others chatting animatedly with their friends.

"My boy-friend" a girl's emphatic voice broke my musings causing me to turn around. Three girls, American tourists from the looks of them, were being hit on by three somewhat sleazy looking local guys. "I do too have a boyfriend." The cutest of the three insisted. "And I love him very much. He should be right back. " From her awkward polite smile and her constant referencing to a boyfriend that even the boys, in their broken English, knew to be fictitious, I realized that they were not enjoying the attention. Flashing back to my hero training, I realized that these were damsels in distress, the genuine article.

After another moment's hesitation, I decided to try something I'd only ever seen work in the movies. I stepped up, walked away, circled around, and sat down next to the cute girl getting the most attention and wrapped my arm around her back. "Hey hon," I said, taking a seat. "Sorry that took so long...who are these guys?" I locked eyes with the girl, hoping that she'd realize the ruse and play along. After a flicker of a questioning glance, dawning realization filled her pretty blue eyes and she smiled warmly. "No problem...I don't know, they just got here."

The guys were a bit suspicious at first, and for a moment, I was afraid my bluff had failed. The girl must've sensed that as well, and became a bit more affectionate to add credibility to our tale. Slipping into French, I told them that we were indeed dating and that hitting on my girlfriend is not cool. They apologized and asked me to translate a message to her friends. I told them that they were not interesting in learning how to 'french kiss' and that they are blocking our view of the Tower. I was polite, but stern, and I think I got the message across because they apologized and left, moving to stand behind us about 25 yards.

"Thank you so much!" All three gushed when they were out of earshot.

"How did you know we were in trouble?" My 'girlfriend' asked gratefully.

"I overheard you mentioning a boyfriend three times in one breath," I grinned. "It wasn't hard to figure out he wasn't real. How long have you been in Paris?"

"Just an hour," She admitted.

"Wow!" I gasped, glancing surreptitiously over my shoulder to their fleeing admirers. "Already three of them? Well done!"

We commenced covert introductions (keeping the shaking of hands down so as not to arouse suspicions that we were indeed strangers). They were very pleased to learn I was a fellow American and I found out they were college students who had taken the summer off to nanny in Italy. They had just finished and were backpacking Europe before the next semester started. They wanted to know how I knew French, to which I responded that I used to live in France, and still knew enough of the language to save damsels in distress when the occasion demanded it. I filled them in on my story and we enjoyed the ambiance of the Eiffel Tower, chatting quietly for an hour or two. From their laughter and interest I realized that Paris grants extra wit and charm to any swashbuckler daring enough to call upon such virtues. Eventually, my group had to leave so I said my farewells, telling them to be careful and wishing them a pleasant Paris experience.

I walked back to the metro with a bemused glance at my lucky Senegalese bracelet.

Unfortunately, it was so late by the time I left the girls that the metros were closed. I managed to hail a cab, and most of our intrepid band boarded. I opted to stay behind with Odina and Kamil, in case my French abilities would be needed. We walked quite awhile, finding another cab nearly an hour later. This cab driver was from Algeria, and extremely happy to have such an international group in his cab. I impressed him with my French, before Kamil revealed he knew a few conversational Arabic phrases, much to our driver's delight. The final surprise came when Odina revealed to him that she too was Muslim. Praising Allah for his fortune at meeting us, our driver promptly deposited us at the hotel for the night, after a pleasant drive through the city.

Day one was over and I collapsed into the tiny room I shared with Jeff and Dave. The room was hot, but sleep and dreams came quickly and carried me away. The hour was late and morning would come all too soon...

France ruins Star Wars forever...

2010-02-17T14:19:00.000-08:00

It started innocently enough. I had heard a girl tell me that Darth Vader was the sexiest man in Star Wars. Not Han Solo...not even Chewie, but Darth "Mouth Breather" Vader! This got me thinking... what's the appeal? He's definitely a tall guy, and he's got that power thing going for him. Plus there's the whole "I am you father" bit for girls with daddy issues. Maybe it was his silken, Barry White voice, intimidating for Rebel Scum but just smooth enough to be seductive when played with some cool jazz..

A google search of "Darth Vader is a sexy man" brought up many links I was too afraid to click on, and then a clip of a youtube video about Star Wars and France. I myself enjoy Star Wars and I just got done defending France, so I thought I'd take a look.

Warning: This video will give you nightmares. The images you are about to see will never leave your mind. They will haunt your subconscious. It is the equivalent of taking a beloved childhood memory and violating it in horrible ways behind an old toolshed. France, I don't know what George Lucas ever did to you to make you want to create a Star Wars...space ballet... Were you trying to make something worse than the Star Wars Holiday Special? Because if so...I think you succeeded.

This is what Palpatine meant when he said the Dark Side is a path to abilities many consider to be unnatural. You have been warned.

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love!

2010-02-14T11:24:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day, one and all. Christian martyrdom really gets people in the mood for romance, apparently. Also..chocolate. Many of you are probably enjoying a big red, heart-shaped box of Russian Roulette style chocolates right now. You know what I'm talking about....it might be delicious or you might grab one that's filled with toothpaste, but you're willing to take the chance.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Chocolate is a very apt symbol for romance, and not just because of its purported aphrodisiac properties.

It's a food that we enjoy..its a comfort food, it's easy, it makes us feel safe, and its pleasant. It's also mildly addictive. We know we should snack on something healthier, but how often do we reach for an apple when there's chocolate in the room? We love the way chocolate makes us feel, even though its ultimately bad for us.

People often treat relationships the same way. They get addicted to them, especially the ones that are bad for us. How many girls do you know who still pine for the cute guy who treated her like garbage? How many guys do you see who keep going back to the ex who broke his heart? They're familiar. They're attractive. We like the way we feel about ourselves when we're with them. Lust comes into play...but like an addiction to chocolate, these relationships are ultimately unhealthy and could even be dangerous.

This Valentine's Day, eat an apple.

Girls: There's someone special in your life who lacks the dangerous bad-boy glitz of the cute a-hole, but makes up for it by being a guy who would never hurt you, who's sensitive, funny, honest, or possesses any of those other qualities you wrote on your 'my future husband' list as a sunday schoolgirl. Chances are he's been there for you the whole time and you never gave him a second glance with all the chocolate temptations in cupboard.

Guys: Same story. Leave the psychotic yet dangerously sexy ex in your past where she belongs. Maybe there's a girl-next-door in your life that could potentially be something more?

And everyone, there's nothing wrong with being single for a little while. We all have that friend who is so addicted to having a 'special someone' in his or her life that they can't bear to be alone. They're prone to awkward rebound relationships or crawling back to ex's just to avoid that feeling of not having someone to play the 'No, you hang up first' game with on the phone. Don't be that person. Developing yourself as an individual, being able to define yourself as a person instead of as part of a couple, is not only a healthy trait but also an attractive one. You may start to attract a higher class of ladies (or gents) when you've become a person instead of someone's 'better half'.

When you are ready to enter the exciting and sometimes awkward world of dating again, don't forget what Montaigne said: "If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love." Marrying your best friend is a cliche for a reason. It's pretty much the best way to start a life together. Think for a moment about who you go to when you're scared, who cheers you up when you're sad, who makes you laugh, and who you feel safest with. That's your apple. Go ahead and have a bite. You might find you don't need junk food anymore.

Carriage Wit Classics: In Defense of a Nation

2010-02-12T01:05:00.001-08:00

So I've committed to actually updating this blog faithfully. Think of it as a New Year's Resolution that avoids lofty levels of self-improvement. However, sometimes there's just not a lot to report or I'm busy. So I'm starting a series called "Carriage Wit Classics" which will be reposting of older things I've written on other blogs in days gone by. It should be new to most of you, however. Think of it as a 'best of' CD.

Okay, so my friend JT has committed some pretty serious blasphemies in the past. I guess that's an understatement. Blasphemy is kind of the theme of his web page. For the most part, I let it go. He's harmless. However, this time, he went too far. He's calling for a boycott of France. That's right, nation of swashbuckling adventure, style, wit, and fashion, simply because he couldn't wrap his barbaric lips around its melodic language.

So, naturally, its time to remind him and every other band wagon jumping Ricky Bobby American that its not cool to hate the French. They can eat their freedom fries somewhere else, because without France, we wouldn't have had:

1. Democracy
The writings of philosophes Rousseau, Montesquieu, and others were heavily influential on the British colonists, and is reflected in Thomas Jefferson's writings.

2. Independence
France bankrupted itself sending troops, supplies, and more importantly, a freaking navy (turns out you need one of those to win a war against an island empire, America), to save our trash during our little revolution. Without France, the British blockade would've starved us out faster than you can say 'we ran out of hard tack'.

3. The Statue of Liberty
"Hey guys, we're already really poor and our government is falling apart because we spent so much money on your revolutionary war, but we thought we'd all chip in and buy you this enormous freaking statue to put in your harbor, so you can, you know, be taken seriously as a promised land for the downtrodden" (this was before the infamous 'build a fence across the border to Mexico' plans were being discussed)

4.LaFayette
Think of him as a younger, less wooden-teethed, sexier swashbuckling version of George Washington. With a rapier. And he probably swung around on ropes and stuff.

5. French Kissing
And several other erotic techniques we won't go into here, in the interest of keeping this place PG-13.

6. Removing Theocracy from the political sphere
That crap started with Rousseau before Kant (a disciple of Rousseau) ran with it. So basically everything JT believes in has its roots in 18th century French philosophy.

7.Alizee
Ironically, one of the most atheistic countries in the world also gives us proof that God exists:

If you've ever enjoyed the female night elf's dance social, you have France's Alizee to thank for that.

8. Kyo
Another French band that's not as easy on the eyes but excellent listening.

9. Gérard Depardieu
Great French actor who also portrayed the middle-aged Porthos in the Man in the Iron Mask.

10: Swashbuckling!
Speaking of Porthos, France is the country where authors like Dumas produced the Three Musketeers, the Man in the Iron Mask, and a whole genre of cloak and dagger swashbuckling adventure that's only been rarely duplicated in other countries. Props to Zorro and the Scarlet Pimpernel for following in France's high booted, swaggering footsteps.

11: French bread!
Or what passes for it in America.

12: Loreal, cosmetics and perfume in general
You know that hot girl you saw in campus the other day? The one that didn't stink and her face was smooth and perfect. Say thank you the next time you see a Frenchman walking along the street. Before France we had to deal with the odors and sights nature intended us to deal with. Let's just say most people were conceived looong after dark. With noseplugs.

12: Debussy
As in Claude. As in Clair de Lune. As in that song from Ocean's 11. Yeah, that Debussy.

13: The Nationstate
As in..strong centralized government while Germany, Spain, and Italy were still a loose conglomerate of sometimes warring/sometimes trading city-states? As in the cradle of modern civilization after the fall of the Roman Empire?

14: The French Language
Despite JT's inability to grasp its grammar, (it WAS rated a 3 out of 5 difficulty on www.howtolearnanylanguage.com ...right between Spanish and Russian), my completely scientific survey of whatever random girls were passing by at the moment ranks French as the sexiest language in existence, followed by Italian in close second, and Spanish and German coming in somewhere near the bottom, over Hmong and Pig Latin.

15: Analytic Geometry, and by extension, Calculus
I'm no math fan, but I understand its pretty important for like...engineering or something. Or making cash registers work. I'm not really sure. But apparently Descartes not only was a founding father of modern philosophy, he also bridged the gap between algebra and geometry with his crazy magic spell formula like theorems, and was in turn crucial to the development of Calculus. So the next time your cash register operator gives you back correct change or you cross a bridge without it exploding or folding into a pretzel, you can thank France for that.

16: Mother Goose
And you KNOW your mom would have run out of things to tell you at night if it weren't for Mother Goose's tales being public domain.

17. Victor Freaking Hugo
Did you ever enjoy the musical Les Miserables? Turns out those are French words, written by a French person, about a historical event from France. For that matter, the Phantom of the Opera also takes place in France. The Scarlet Pimpernel? Largely takes place in France. Without France, Broadway musicals would take place largely in homosexual student apartments and outside with dancing anthropomorphic cats (which I understand is becoming a very common fetish)

18: High Art
I'm talking Monet, Renoir, Picasso, and half a dozen other painters who were either French or did most of their work in France (looking at you, DaVinci). There's a reason the Louvre is in Paris and not...Berlin.

19: Braille
If you're reading this, you probably haven't had to use Braille, but I understand its incredibly awesome for blind people who want to read.

20: Milk that doesn't make you sick when you drink it
Louis Pasteur...Pasteurization... I won't spell this one out for you.

21: Marie Curie
French citizen, pretty much discovered radiation and harnessed its awesome powers. Without radiation, we wouldn't have: Ninja Turtles, the Incredible Hulk, Spider-Man, and a host of other super-heroes. So basically, we'd be living slaves for the Legion of Doom or whatever other supervillain team-up got its act together and took over our superhero-less world.

22: The Louisiana Purchase
Say what you will about Napoleon, his drive to conquer the world needed funding and we needed an awesomely cheap deal on about a quarter of present day America.

That part in dark green? Including Arkansas? Yeah we got that for about 23 million dollars. Works out to like..I don't know..3 cents an acre. Merci, la France.

23: Opposing the Iraq War (before it was cool)

Remember when the whole "Freedom Fries" thing started? 2003-2004?
Remember why the whole thing started? They thought going to war in
Iraq was unjustified, ill conceived, and over-all, probably a bad idea. Good
thing we didn't listen to them, and instead made fun of how cowardly
the French are. We sure proved them wrong. That's right, back when
all your favorite democrats (looking at you, Madame Clinton) were
voting for war, the French were like 'hey guys....probably not a good
idea to just run in there guns ablaze.."

24. The Air Car
Hey remember how the oil industry is dominating Congress and rising gas prices and global warming are all cause for concern in America? Don't worry, guys, France has got us covered. Presenting the Air Car...a car that runs completely on compressed air for 100 miles, or on 8 gallons of gas and compressed air for a 1000. All for the price of a mid-end car...around 16000 dollars. Coming to your garage in 2010. For more information on how you won't have to get eviscerated at the gas pump, check out the article in Popular Mechanics.

So yeah, just some information. The list could go on indefinitely, but 24 is my favorite number so we'll stop there. If you want to boycott France, be prepared to give up all its sweet contributions to your life. Anyway, the French workweek is 35 hours so I gotta clock out to take a nap, sip some wine, and enjoy some fine cuisine.

Au revoir, suckahs.

One of the Greatest Tragedies of the Modern Era

2010-02-08T02:30:00.000-08:00

First off, a random bit of trivia. French high school students love Taylor Swift. Or maybe just the ones living in the rural areas of southern France. I suppose it makes sense, you can generally tell how popular country music is going to be by the number of farm animals in the region.

Anyway, I was teaching my students here about the differences in the American high school system and that of the French. One of the major differences is the whole 'clique' system we have in the U.S. You know, the whole 'nerd' 'jock' 'preppy' 'emo' division of students into like-minded groups, as seen in the hard hitting documentary from the early 90's, "Saved by the Bell".

Dustin Diamond portraying the gritty realism of the 'nerd'.

A "Jock" displaying his plumage

A "Preppy". Not pictured: Ginormous Cellphone

They simply don't do that here, and the whole concept was hard for them to wrap their minds around. You'd think after a history of being divided into nobility, clergy, and peasants, they would not have forgotten the idea of social hierarchy so quickly, but I guess that just goes to show the Revolution was pretty thorough at stamping out obvious caste systems (though they still exist, look at the ENA).

To illustrate this almost cliche idea of 'cliques' I showed them a music video, "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. Its the all-too-familiar story of the impossible love between a nerd and a jock. As an aside, I love these movies/stories where the 'nerdy' girl is in reality incredibly beautiful, but no one can see it because she has glasses and frumpy clothes. (They satire this in "Not Another Teen Movie"). Not recognizing that a girl like Taylor Swift is beautiful until she gets dolled up for the Homecoming Dance is like not recognizing Clark Kent is Superman because he's wearing glasses. It's just really funny and it shows up in pretty much every teen movie ever made.

Returning to our sheep, as they say in French, after the lesson some of the students were asking about other Taylor Swift songs. That having been the only one I'd ever seen, I did some youtubing and discovered "Love Story".

Just to reaffirm my manhood, (which is already in jeapordy because I'm blogging about Taylor Swift today), this was strictly work-related research and I did not enjoy the song overly much.

That having been said...I'm going to go out on a limb and ask :"Why in the world don't we dress like that anymore??"

There's no denying that the girls look beautiful in old style dresses like that. I mean, that's half the fun of prom for them is getting to feel like a princess and dress up in something elegant. And hey, I can understand that it's probably not incredibly comfortable. Maybe they prefer function over fashion now. That's fine.

But men, why on earth did we abandon the cravat and wescoat? Is it that much less comfortable than the business suits, ties and white button up shirts we wear now? Are we just too scared to wear a bit of lace around the sleeves or collar? Because that style is undeniably chic.

How cool would it be to walk around and all the men are dressed like they walked out of a Dumas novel, or even Jane Austen? Maybe we'd all even get to wear rapiers on our sides and duel each other for perceived slights on our honor! Okay, maybe that'd be a little much...but a guy can dream, can't he?

Instead somehow we've gone from this:

to this:

And that, dear friends, is one of the greatest tragedies of the modern era.

Come on, men. Let's bring it back! Let's man up and put a little lace on the cuff. Remember Sir Percy Blackeney's immortal words "La! But someone has to strike a pose and bear the weight of well tailored clothes, and that is why the Lord created Man!"

PS: Finding images of the guy's wardrobe from that video online is fairly impossible. Turns out Taylor Swift is the star of that show. So to get a better idea of what I'm talking about, check out the video. After rewatching it I'm wondering why we don't dance like that anymore either? Sure beats 'bumpin' and grindin' at the club as the girls have a good time shaking their hips while various guys compete to rub their crotches on them in a dark, overly crowded room.

P.P.S: I just realized another of the great tragedies of the modern era. Saved by the Bell is no longer on the air five times a day.

Sometimes it hits you: You're an old man

2010-02-04T04:48:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I am working as a teacher at a middle school and high school in France. Not to say I'm a straight up official teacher with tests and homework. I'm more like that American they bring in 12 hours a week to speak English with the kids.

Well, on occasion I do cover for the other teachers. One teacher recently asked me to watch her class of...I guess the equivalent would be 5th graders, so she could go see her mother in the hospital. She gave me the movie the "Lion King" and told me to show it to them. Easy enough, right? Its like babysitting...if you were babysitting twenty something kids at once, and one of them threw up halfway through the film. But that's a story for another time...

Anyway as we're watching the film, the kids are constantly asking me to switch it to French or to at least turn on subtitles so they can understand it. No can do, I explain to the rugrats. It doesn't have French dubbing or subtitles. Its a VHS, a cassette tape...looks like it came out about the same time as the movie itself.

Still they persisted. "Turn on the subtitles please! Can you put it in French?" Again I explained that it was impossible because it was not a DVD. "Sure its possible, just go to the 'menu'. It should be under options"

That's when I realized something....

Holy crap, these kids have never had to deal with VHS before. They just assume if I hit 'menu' on the remote control, it will bring up a list of special features and chapter selection. I tried to explain that DVDs can do that but VHS doesn't have that feature...that this was not a DVD at all but a tape...but they just couldn't wrap their heads around it.

I'm teaching an entire generation who has never had to deal with VHS! They've never had to rewind the movies they rented before they returned them to the store! They've never had to blow on the cartridges of their video games to get them to work...They've never made a mix tape for a girl they liked or had to handroll the film on a cassette tape because it got tangled up in the player. They've never seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off. There's never been in a time for them when Saved by the Bell was on five times a day.

They've never had to use an Encyclopedia to write a paper for school. They have no idea what the Dewey Decimal System is. They've never played Oregon Trail or tracked down Carmen Sandiego based on what currency she changed her money into. They don't even HAVE different currencies for half the countries Carmen hangs out in anymore, they're all on the Euro. They've never known a world without email, without cell phones, without instant messaging...

It was a rude awakening...its only a matter of time before I'm yelling at kids to get off my lawn.

Strange Presentiment

2010-02-02T15:29:00.000-08:00

Today I was struck by a vague sense of loss; an inescapable longing for something that I never knew but may have unwittingly stumbled past. The full impact of its nature is lost on me, my ignorance now acting as a merciful shield against some truth too painful to truly absorb.

Instead there is only a dull sense of remorse, that bitter cocktail of nostalgia and regret. The feeling came about unexpectedly, and will shortly be drowned out in the white noise of living. I do not even have a name for what I am mourning. Or perhaps who?

John Greenleaf Whittier once wrote: For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been". Despite what Clarence and the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future would have you believe, the cruelest fate is to know what might have been when it can no longer be.

"The Content of Their Character"

2010-01-18T04:08:00.000-08:00

King, demonstrating his patented 'the wink and the gun'

maneuver for picking up the ladies.

Today we celebrate the life and death of a great man, a man who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that all men could be equal. Orator, visionary, martyr...the legend of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr is celebrated across the country. The only American to have his own federal holiday, I remember learning about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in hushed, reverent tones from teachers who spoke of him as a sort of prophet of the civil rights movement.

The image of the impassioned King giving a fiery speech for liberty is a powerful symbol that has been used for good. Unfortunately, as is the case with so many myths, the man behind the symbol is far less impressive.

King dreamt of a world where men could be judged "not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character". What was the content of his character?

Martin Luther King, (legally named Michael, though Martin Luther has a better ring to it for a Protestant preacher), was a dishonest man. The true measure of a person's character is not what they say, or even how they act, it is how they act when they think nobody is watching. Oprah Winfrey said something similar: "Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not." It is one thing to preach virtue from the pulpit, another to practice it in your own life.

In the 1980's, the Martin Luther King Papers Project uncovered evidence that King's dissertation for his Ph.D in Theology from Boston University, "A Comparison of the Perception of God in the Thinking of Paul Tillich and Henry Nelson Wieman" was plagiarized. The university of Boston made an official inquiry and admitted the same:

"We had many of the same professors, we worked in the same atmosphere during our graduate studies," said John Cartwright, an MLK scholar and member of the committee that investigated his plagiarism allegations, "under no circumstances would the atmosphere under which he did his work condone what Doctor King did. It's incredible. He was not unaware of the correct procedure. This wasn't just done out of ignorance."

Because this was discovered after his death, and because there would probably be riots in the streets if they did, Boston chose not to revoke his doctorate.

Still, according to Robert Evans, perhaps the most notable example of plagiarism is his famouse "I Have a Dream" speech. The general tone, and several direct lines, were lifted right out of the speech of another activist, Archibald Carey.

Theodore Pappas presents a detailed accusation in his book, Plagiarism and the Culture War. Most of the issue centers around the closing lines.

Here's how King's speech ended;

"This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, 'My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.' And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring."

Compare it to Carey's speech:

"We, Negro Americans, sing with all loyal Americans: My country 'tis of thee, Sweet land of liberty, Of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, Land of the Pilgrims' pride From every mountainside Let freedom ring!

That's exactly what we mean--from every mountain side, let freedom ring. Not only from the Green Mountains and White Mountains of Vermont and New Hampshire; not only from the Catskills of New York; but from the Ozarks in Arkansas, from the Stone Mountain in Georgia, from the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia--let it ring not only for the minorities of the United States, but for the disinherited of all the earth--may the Republican Party, under God, from every mountainside, LET FREEDOM RING!"

Academic dishonesty is normally anathema to a doctor. How much worse, than, is marital infidelity in a preacher? King was under investigation by the FBI for ties with Communist organizations throughout the country. Who wasn't, right? It was the 60's. The files regarding his ties to communism and any treacherous activity he may or may not have engaged in are sealed until 2027. However, these investigations led to another discovery: King, married father of four, would frequently indulge in extra-marital affairs. Audio and visual recordings proved that King had a lot of love to go around, and civil rights groupies can be just as enthusiastic as rock and roll groupies when it comes to showing how much they appreciate your work. Whether you consider this a sin or a character flaw, King himself taught against such actions.

Ralph David Abernathy, King's close friend, addressed these recordings in his biography "And The Walls Came Tumbling Down":

Much has been written in recent years about my friend's weakness for women. Had others not dealt with the matter in such detail, I might have avoided any commentary. Unfortunately, some of these commentators have told only the bare facts without suggesting the reasons why Martin might have indulged in such behavior. They have also left a false impression about the range of his activities.

Martin and I were away more often than we were at home; and while this was no excuse for extramarital relations, it was a reason. Some men are better able to bear such deprivations than others, though all of us in SCLC headquarters had our weak moments. We all understood and believed in the biblical prohibition against sex outside of marriage. It was just that he had a particularly difficult time with that temptation.

(emphasis added)

Though I personally believe that disloyalty in a committed relationship is wrong and a sign of a flawed character, I am not asking you to make that leap with me. Perhaps some of you view it as a harmless indulgence. However, King's character, his integrity, can only be judged from the perspective of his own self-proclaimed moral code. Remember, integrity is measured by your faithfulness to what you believe to be right and wrong. By that standard, he falls woefully short.

The great irony here is that these facts about the hero of the civil rights movement are never taught, or even widely known. Any sort of attempt to besmirch the legend surrounding the good 'doctor' is met with horrified allegations of racism and displays of emotion. People do not like finding out their heroes are human, or that man behind the curtain is no wonderful wizard of Oz. Perhaps this will take more time, after all, it is only recently that scholarship has begun to delve into the more sordid details about the lives of other mythical figures, the founding fathers, (Thomas Jefferson's affair with his slaves is more of a historical cliche than taboo now).

It is possible to honor the concepts the man championed without honoring the man himself. I for one refuse to judge Martin Luther King, Jr just by "the color of his skin" (black leader of the civil rights), and instead will view him based on "the content of his character" (adulterous, cheating fraud).

I await the angry, emotional comments. Have a pleasant holiday and enjoy your day off.

If you'd like to read more, most of the research into this came from resources found at www.snopes.com.

Palin Quits Job as Alaskan Governor to Give Fox Talking Head

2010-01-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

Remember when Palin gave Alaska her two weeks notice? She left her stunned electorate with a rambling, almost non-coherent melange of mixed sports metaphors and vague insinuations that an evil conspiracy was forcing her from power. She left me breathing a sigh of relief that she hadn't landed in a position where she was one old-age induced heart attack away from being the most powerful human being on Earth. I wonder how long before that job wasn't fun anymore and she quit, rather than choosing to operate under 'politics as usual'?

"I'm not wired to operate under the same old politics as usual,'' she said in Wasilla Friday afternoon, at an hour when many Americans were heading out of town for the holiday weekend. "I promised four years ago and I meant it, that's not what is best for Alaska at this time. I'm determined to take the right path for Alaska, even though it is unconventional and it's not so comfortable, and with this announcement that I'm not seeking reelection, I've decided it's best to transfer the authority of governor to Lt. Gov. [Sean] Parnell, and I am willing to do this so that this administration with its positive agenda and its accomplishments and its successful road to an incredible future for Alaska, so that it can continue without interruption and with great administrative and legislative success. My choice is to take a stand and effect change and not just hit our head against the wall and watch valuable state time and money – millions of your dollars – go down the drain in this new political environment. Rather, we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time, and actually make a difference for our priorities and so we will, for Alaskans and for Americans. Let me go back quickly to a comfortable analogy for me, and that's sports – basketball – and I use it because you are naïve if you don't see a full-court press from the national level picking away right now a good point guard.''

Apparently her idea of creating change outside of politics and breaking away from 'business as usual' is to become one of many conservative talking heads on Fox News. And apparently Fox News was only one of many news networks courting this renegade maverick, or 'renerick', if the word I just coined sticks.)

Let's hope she gets better writers because her "I quit" speech just got more confusing as she went on:

Referring to herself in the third person, Palin continued on in a rage: "Here's what she does. She drives through a full-court press, protecting the ball, keeping her head up because she needs to keep her eye on the basket and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can win, and that is what I'm doing, keeping our eye on the ball – those represent sound priorities – remember, they include energy independence and smaller government, national security and freedom, and I know when it's time to pass the ball for victory and I've given my reasons now, very candidly and truthfully, and my last day won't be for another few weeks so the transition will be very smooth.''

Coach Palin: "Basically she goes for the full court defense, keeps her eyes on the ball, never stops believin', holds onto those feelings, and in the end you find out Michael's Secret Stuff was just normal Gatoride. That's right, Alaska, the real power was in her the whole time."

"All I can ask is that you trust me with this decision,'' she went on, "and know that it's no more politics as usual. And some Alaskans it seemed today maybe they don't mind wasting public dollars and state time but I do and I cannot stand here as your governor and allow the millions of dollars and all that time to go to waste just so that I can hold the title of governor, and I don't know that my children are going to allow it anyway. Some are going to question the timing of this and let me just say this decision has been in the works for a while and comes after much consideration – prayer and consideration – and finally I polled the most important people in my life, my kids, where the count was unanimous, where in response to the question 'Do you want me to make a positive difference and fight for all our children's future from outside the governor's office?' it was four yeses and one "hell, yeah,' and the "hell, yeah" sealed it and someday I'll talk about the details of that. I think though, much of it for the kids had to do with recently seeing their baby brother Trig mocked and ridiculed by some pretty mean-spirited adults recently and, by the way, I sure wish folks could ever understand all that we can learn, all of us, from someone like Trig,'' who has Down syndrome. "I know he needs me, but I need him even more, and what a child can offer to set priorities right, know that time is precious. The world needs more Trigs, not fewer.''

Confused yet? Well you probably hate autistic children. Its people like you who made her quit her fantastically boring job in the first place.

In talking about her new job at Fox, she had this to say: "“I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News,” Palin said in the Fox announcement. “It’s wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news.”

At least she seems to have developed a sense of irony since her self-imposed political exile.

Palin, being witty and ironic

The Good, the Bad, the Unbearable

2010-01-14T06:11:00.000-08:00

Everyone's a critic. At least, in this cyber-age, every hack with a blog and access to a theater is. So I thought I'd throw my hack-hat in on the hack-hat-rack and join the party.

I saw three movies this week that I had been curious about. More accurately, I saw two movies and the first ten minutes of a third. As fate would have it, I saw the best first and then they got progressively worse.

Let's begin with a pleasant surprise: I loved Sherlock Holmes. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not a masterpiece of film. It is, however, a fun movie, and that is becoming surprisingly rare in a market whose very existance is built around entertainment. (Think about it, when's the last time you remember watching a movie and thinking to yourself, "Wow, I'm really having fun here"?).I enjoyed watching this movie. Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes really does steal the show. He's brilliant. He's eccentric. And like so many geniuses, his social skills and ability to relate to 'polite society' suffer for it. He is in many ways a tortured artist, a character doomed by his intellect. What is truly fascinating about the film though, is the way the director gives us glimpses into how his mind works. His inner monologues, the flashes of the images that small clues conjure in his mind, even the predictions he makes of fights he is in the process of fighting show what it is like for Holmes to live in a world where his mind works so much faster than the world around him. The concept of genius is explored to a depth that I did not anticipate from what I assumed would be a popcorn action blockbuster. I was happy to learn that Robert Downey Jr. has turned down a role in the upcoming Cowboys and Aliens to take up the pipe and magnifying glass of the famed detective of Baker Street in a Sherlock Holmes sequel, now in production.

The movie is in many ways a buddy flick wrapped in Victorian intrigue and mystery. Watson, played by Jude Law, is the other half of this dynamic duo, and he certainly pulls his weight better than Robin (perhaps because he was allowed to wear pants). No mere sidekick, Watson is a field medic and war hero, with formidable deductive skills of his own. Perhaps his greatest asset, though, is his ability to keep the eccentric genius of his partner grounded in reality. Though he won't admit it, Holmes needs Watson, and much of the intrigue is built around this tension in the relationship, with Watson ready to move on to married life and Holmes working to keep his 'old chap' in his life.

The one disappointment I had with the cast was with Rachel McAdams, who played the obligatory femme fatale/lady criminal Irene Adler. Her performance seemed out of place, her delivery forced and almost anachronistic. It was as if the character wandered in off of Red Eye, got a change of wardrobe, and decided she was Victorian England's new Carmen Sandiego. Perhaps the flaw was that her character was supposed to be the only person to ever outsmart Sherlock Holmes, but either the actress or the role lacks that aura of genius that Downey lends the detective. The romance between the two therefore feels contrived and almost superfluous, as if the writers felt a bit of romantic tension was required in any blockbuster formula.

First Batman and Wolverine joined forces to give us the thoughtful Prestige, then Iron Man took off the suit for Sherlock Holmes. Superheroes seem to flourish in Victorian England. Whether you see it as a dumbed down mystery or a thinking man's action movie, I am very much enjoying the trend.

SPOILER: Just as Batman Begins ended with a tantalizing reference to the Dark Knight's most iconic foe, I look forward to seeing the alluded-to battle of the minds between Sherlock Holmes and his most brilliant nemesis in the next film.

Sherlock Holmes earns 4 out of 5 smoking pipes, having come out of nowhere to surprise me with how much fun it was to watch.

I was pleasantly surprised by the depth in Sherlock Holmes. Perhaps this is the beauty of low expectations because my surprise was anything but pleasant at Miguel Artets's Youth in Revolt. Michael Cera reprises his standard role as the awkward, pale teenager pining for a quirky, cute girl that's clearly out of his league. Don't get me wrong, I loved the character when I first saw him in Arrested Development, and he hadn't worn out his welcome in Juno, but by now its starting to wear a little thin. Its a lot of ennui coming from someone who skipped Superbad, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, and Year One (more on the last later).

The movie's disappointment cannot be placed solely on Cera's skinny shoulders. The quirky animated montages and 'look how indie my soundtrack is' background noise lends a haze of pretentious arthouse smugness to a movie that is is essentially a shallow, cookie-cutter romantic comedy. The movie begins with an interesting premise. Cera notices that, while in movies the nice guy gets the girl, in real life, the opposite is usually the case, with jerks ending up with the pretty girls and nice guys left out in the cold. He formulates an alternate personality, a bad boy to let him test the theory while he attempts to woo the girl of his dreams. Here was a chance for Cera to show a bit of flexibility and finally play a character diametrically opposed to his normal type-cast. Instead, we got Cera and then evil Cera with a pencil-thin mustache, who is still adorable despite his cigarette and occasional f-bomb. Its no more believable than evi Spock with a goatee, and even then does not get enough screen time to really develop. Instead we're treated to a bevy of two-dimensional supporting characters such as Slutty Mom, Dead-beat Dad, Overly Religious Parents of Love Interest, Stoner Brother, and of course, Zany Neighbor (who is literally introduced as the zany neighbor in Cera's narrative).

SPOILER: Because this is a cookie cutter romance, Cera does end up getting the girl, but not without -GASP- messing up first and making her mad at him. Fortunately, his awkward, stumbling apology "I wrecked two cars, got you expelled and nearly killed, but I did it all for you, because I love you and want to be with you" earns him, not a restraining order, but the girl's unabashed love and his ultimate goal: underage sex, (remember the movie begins with him complaining about still having his virginity at the ripe old age of 16, not his desire to change his facebook status to "in a relationship").

Anyone who knows me has heard my rant on 'chick flicks' and the distorted messages it sends to impressionable young girls about romance (if not, that will be the subject of a future blog). In Youth in Revolt, I have found a movie that is guilty of confusing impressionable boys with more lies. It presents two options: The whiny, doormat "Nice Guy" who feels entitled to the love of the hottest girl he knows and somehow slighted when she doesn't return the affection, as if he earned it somehow by being 'nice'to her (read: doormat). Or, alternatively, you can be the self-important, douchebag jerk who is mean to girls, playing off their insecurities and daddy issues until they leap into bed with you. Abusive or doormat, those are your two options, and guess what, only one of them gets you laid. Thanks, Hollywood, but I'm going to wager there's a middle ground somewhere that leads to healthy relationships with girls that aren't so full of self-loathing that they think they deserve to date jerks.

Youth in Revolt earns a very generous 2 out of 5 wrecked cars, and spends up the last of my once limitless goodwill for George Michael of Arrested Development.

Finally, I began to watch "Year One", Jack Black and Michael Cera's buddy/road trip movie through the Old Testament. This was largely against my better judgment, but I had seen funny bits in the trailer (such as Michael Cera being passive aggressive about spilled berries and the subsequent lack of fruit salad so 'everyone loses'). I enjoyed Jack Black in School of Rock, and find his band Tenacious D a brilliant parody of the whole concept of "Rock and Roll" while at the same time managing to rock pretty hard even in its satire. Awkward, dry humor from Cera combined with the over-the-top antics of Black...how could it go wrong? Easily, as it turns out. The jokes were juvenile, stale, completely lowbrow, even for cavemen. Their journey through the Old Testament could have had plenty of funny things to parody, but they aimed for the lowest common denominator (lol! Sodom and Gommorah! This calls for a buttsex joke for sure!) I got to the point in the movie where Jack Black and Michael Cera (playing Jack Black the Caveman and Michael Cera the Caveman) were exiled from the tribe and forced to begin their epic journey. At that point, I could take no more. I cannot know for certain if the movie redeems itself after the 10 minute mark, but judging from its Rotten Tomatoes score of 15%, I'm thinking it probably doesn't..

Year One gets 1 out of 5 ...I don't know...dinosaur bones or something. I really don't care enough to pick a clever rating system for this one. Were there dinosaurs later in the movie? We'll go with that.

Before you tie the knot, untangle the Church and State

2010-01-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

One of the blessings of living outside the country is that I'm largely insulated from the Gordian knot that is American politics. Unfortunately, my blissful ignorance is often ruptured by the various newsfeeds that Google and other internet companies like to helpfully spew at my unsuspecting eyeballs.

Anyone who had the misfortune of living in America during 2008 will remember the battle for Prop 8 in California, an epic struggle that seemed to consume our attention spans all over the country (see, its not just vapid and shallow Hollywood celebrities that can get us to pay attention to the Golden State). After the dust settled, Prop 8 had passed and a lot of angry fallout settled on the Mormon Church. This is not surprising, considering how sensitive an issue it is. I mean, its hard not to take it as a personal attack when someone is raising money to say your marriage isn't 'real'. Emotional responses are to be expected (and nothing says 'I'm angry' more than sending anthrax threats with white powder to Mormon Temples).

Now its 2010 and since California, more and more states have been quietly voting on the same issue, with much less fanfare. Google's newsfeed informed me that the gay marriage issue is now being brought before a federal court. Now it could be a result of living out of the country, but considering how much higher the stakes are here, I certainly am not hearing a big deal being made of this. Could it be that the media is more concerned with Nigerians lighting their underwear on fire in airplanes and where Tiger is sticking his Wood to cause a huge media circus? Even the plans to air the trial on Youtube were postponed.

Of course, in any issue where basic human rights are involved, there's going to be a lot of outcry when they are taken away. This raises a question that rarely gets brought up: Is a state-recognized marriage a basic human right? I do not recall much being written about life, liberty, and the pursuit of wedding bands. Civil rights are, as correctly recognized in the American founding, inalienable. They can neither be given by government, nor rightfully taken away. These rights are those which slaves, and all subjects of tyranny, were denied: free speech, the free exercise of religion, a free press, the right to peaceably assemble, the right to vote, to be free from unlawful intrusions of government on their persons or property, and the right to fair and equal treatment under the law in all other matters mentioned in the Constitution and its amendments.

Marriage is an institution, not a right. The distinction is important. What this debate is about is not a civil rights issue, but rather, the redefinition of an institution. And this is the great irony. This great quarrel is essentially an issue of semantics. It is the word 'marriage' that is the real point of contention.

Historically and culturally, marriage has fallen under the domain of religion. For many faiths, it is one of their sacraments. This is where the supporters of Prop 8 take umbrage with the state's redefinition. It is somewhat akin to the President telling the Pope that from now on the Communion must replace wafers with gummy bears. The government has no right to redefine a religious sacrament.

If marriage were only a matter of religious significance, the debate would not have even arisen. As the opponents of Prop 8 rightfully point out, married couples are given certain legal and economic privileges that unmarried couples do not get. Imagine for a moment that your partner has been injured in an accident and you are not allowed to see him or her in intensive care because only family members or spouses are allowed. Unfortunately, though you've been living in a monogonomous relationship for years, you don't qualify as either because you're both homosexual. You can see, then, the frustration.

Why do married couples receive such benefits from the state? From a real politik perspective, I'd venture a guess that the state is rewarding them for contributing to its future. By producing stable families, the state grows stronger, and thus incentives were put in place to reward what was the only institution designed to create stable families. The fact that this was a religious institution was irrelevant, it became a politically convenient way to reward couples who provided stable family environments (in theory). And so the religious institution and the government became intertwined until now it seems rather messy to untangle them.

As Alexander the Great knew, sometimes the easiest way to untangle a knot is to sever it completely. America could take a cue from France here (I had to bring up France at least once to justify blogging about it here). Sever the civil union from the marriage entirely. Gay or straight, let the government regulate all civil unions in a town hall or a courthouse, let the institution be stripped of any spiritual or supernatural connotations and kept strictly in the realm of legality and economics. This would result in legal equality, and leave the debate about marriage with the churches where it belongs. Whether or not God gives your union a thumbs up or thumbs down largely depends on which denomination you're asking, and since this only impacts the insubstantial metaphysics of eternity and not the rather concrete facts of mortality, the government really does not need to get mixed up in this. Let the people go to the flavor of church that matches their preference or none at all if they don't care. The all important legal and economic rights are granted by Uncle Sam, not Father Brown or Pastor Smith. Let us render unto Caesar the political and economic benefits of union (and the painful divorce paperwork that often follows). God can sort out the spiritual benefits without legislation.

Most opponents of the idea of 'gay marriage' are more concerned about the word 'marriage' than the idea of gay people living together. Take the word out of the equation, take the government out of the marrying business altogether, and we'll find a lot less to argue about. Maybe then we can get back to the important business that's monopolized my newsfeed, like security breaches, deaths in Afghanistan, and baseball legend Mark McGwire admitting to steroid use when he broke the homerun record in '98...

Weighty matters indeed, and only one of the three stories even made it onto my current news feed (Which one? The answer may surprise you...unless you guessed the trivial steroid story, because yeah..it was totally that one.)

Back in Action

2010-01-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

So I got bitten by the blogging bug again, reading other blogs and realizing that I too am a whore for attention.

It's been awhile since I last posted and a lot has happened.

I sang in a local choir for Christmas, though I only knew "Silent Night" of the repetoire. The other songs were all regional French songs that I had never heard before. It was interesting to say the least. After the show I met a very pleasant English couple who took pity on my relative poverty and invited me in out of the cold to feast on lamb and relate tales of adventure.

Christmas was going to be rather uneventful. My friend went to Paris with her friend and I was going to just hold down the fort here in Nerac. However, when one of my French friends from the states heard about my lack of plans, she had her parents invite me to stay with them in beautiful southwest France, where I ate like a king, learned a new French card game, and generally relaxed and made merry.

Now it is 2010 and the snow is falling again, making a general mess of the roads. Snow is a rare event here, and, like Northern Arkansas, they are ill-equipped to deal with it. Kind of feels like home.

I'd like to share some deep thoughts, but I really don't have any today. I have been steadily distracting myself with podcasts, ranging from the political to the educational to the merely entertaining. This has spared me the need to think about anything at all...a mind-numbing opiate that I can indulge in anywhere but the shower.

Still, it IS a New Year, and I have yet to think of any good resolutions. So far all I have is:

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Any suggestions to help me flesh out the list? What are you resolving this year?

Vacation, all I ever wanted/Timeless Movies

2009-10-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

In France, public schools get quite a few more vacations than in America, which means that teachers like myself have the same privilege. This weekend, with the help of the local missionaries, I was finally able to get to my branch in Agen. There were about 18 people at church, a good turnout for the week. After the lesson was the ward Halloween party, where the three children present dressed up as a witch, a vampire, and a devil and began doing a treasure hunt for candy. After, we lobotomized pumpkins. A good time was had by all. I also discovered that one of the members is driving to Paris on Tuesday, which just so happens to be the day I was planning on going up. So long 120 Euro train ticket, hello 7 road trip with an old man!

I realize that my past couple posts may seem like I am having a bad time out here, but I'm really not. I just write about the things that get me thinking, and usually that has to do with human nature.

This week I had a translation deadline that, because of my own procrastination combined with my partner's abandoning the project, I was not going to finish. However, my friend, upon hearing of my predicament, volunteered to help out as best she could. This was a tedious and mind numbing chore that took me 12 hours or so on Friday to complete, and for the last 3 or 4 hours, she was right there with me. I offered to pay her, but she turned it down. All in all, a remarkably kind move on her part and one that has my faith in the general goodness of people somewhat restored. So in the interests of happy thoughts, I thought we'd go for a lighter topic this week.

She and I had a conversation in Bordeaux about movies, and its a conversation I've been carrying on with my students as well. I wanted a list of the top 5 classic movies. Before you all start writing about Citizen Kane, let me clarify. For what I'm looking for, a better word than 'classic' would be 'timeless'. I want a movie that you may have watched with your parents as a child, love today, and could someday show it to your children and grandchildren and expect it to have aged well enough that they love it as much as you did. Here is my list, though I reserve the right to change it.

1: The Star Wars Trilogy (Original)(1977, 1980, 1983): Yes, I'm counting all three as one movie, because its one story. No, I'm not going to rant about how much the new trilogy sucked. I actually kind of liked them...Or at least, I liked the third one, tolerated the second, and Liam Neeson was in the first. They do not, however, hold a candle to the old classics. These movies draw on timeless myths and stories, but its their lessons that stuck with me into adulthood. Faith, temptation, diligence, friendship, loyalty, family...each of these themes is touched on. Fear as an element that leads good intentions into bad ends. Unlearning negative modes of thought and believing in what you are doing. The eventual triumph of good over evil. Even one of the most sympathetic love stories of cinema, where a selfish smuggler and a proud princess who can't stand each other eventually overcome their own character flaws enough to become a perfect match for each other. These movies will be loved and quoted for generations to come.

2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001,2002,2003): Again, three movies in one here. Beautiful scenery, special effects that are likely to age well, and once again, a movie that teaches morals and values that will stick with me. Good vs evil, hope in despair, these themes are as timeless as the counsel Gandalf gives the hobbits in their darkest hour. Not to mention a sweeping, epic soundtrack and glorious panoramic shots of New Zealand/Middle Earth and the most sympathetic schizophrenic computer generated villain to ever grace the silver screen...This is a movie even people who aren't fans of fantasy can appreciate. I'll go so far as to say it surpasses the books (sorry Tom Bombadil fans and Tolkien purists. Tolkien was a great inventor, visionary and linguist and the world he created is timeless...but when it comes to being an author, his dry obsession with historical minutia and Old Testament-style chronicles often turns people off to what is in reality an excellent story. Its a great story lost in pedantic prose). LOTR gets props for taking the essence of this great story and presenting it in a format that will reach audiences who don't have the patience to dig it out of dry old text, without dumbing down the important themes and lessons Tolkien included.

3. Indiana Jones-Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981): (The Last Crusade could take this spot as well, though the Temple of Doom and the newest disappointment of the franchise could not). Again, a Lucas project but with Spieldberg on board. Who does not love the idea of an archaeologist treasure hunting Nazi hating Harrison Ford with a whip and dashing hat? John Williams returns to blow us away with an incredible soundtrack. I know there's not much of substance here, but its a fun movie and one that can be enjoyed at all ages. It really opened the door for action blockbusters to come, but none have come close to this pulp fiction style classic.

4. It's a Wonderful Life (1946): Jimmy Stewart has on screen charisma and a charming period accent that never ceases to be endearing. More important, however, is the message this movie lays out. "No man is a failure who has friends" It is not always obvious how many lives we might touch or influence for the better, but when times are darkest and the chips are down, it is our friends who truly make us rich. As someone who values friendship over money and the comforts it can provide, the message resonates. This is a movie I've watched almost every Christmas with my dad, and if I ever find myself in a fatherly role I'll definitely continue the tradition with my kids.

5. Gladiator (2000): The spot for number 5 could be filled by many different movies, but I chose Gladiator as a representative for the type of movie I have in mind. Like most of the others on my list, it teaches a moral lesson (which, upon further reflection, is the whole point of a storytelling tradition). What you do in life echoes in eternity. This is a story of courage, loyalty to one's values, and...just basic manliness. What it truly means to be a man, not 'work out, get lots of muscles, drink lots of beer, sleep with lots of women', but the value of keeping one's word, of fighting for what you believe in, of sacrificing yourself for the chance of creating a better world. A sweeping soundtrack and stirring script give this movie an epic feel that makes it stand out on my list when it is so often overlooked by more 'serious' movie critics.

And that's my list. In short, I value inspiring soundtracks, the hero's journey, powerful messages of morality, and I seem to be a sucker for heroic sacrifice for a lost cause (The ending of the Last Samurai, for example). Most of the movies on my list came out before I was born, but new classics like LOTR and Gladiator definitely deserve to join their older brothers.

What about you? Do you agree or disagree with the movies on my list? What are your criteria for timeless movies? What is your list?

Trip to Bordeaux and External Happiness

2009-10-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my faithful travel companion and I went once more to Bordeaux, this time with the intention of staying overnight so that we can finally attend church service in the morning.

The trip, like the ferris wheel that we rode while we were there, was a steady cycle of ups and downs. Upon arriving we checked into the Hotel facing the train station, Le Regina. It turned out to be rather nice and only a little more expensive than both of us getting a room at the hostel.

Other high points: Took some neat pictures of the city, got to explore a bit on my own and I took a power nap on a bench in front of a the Cathedral of..Saint Andre I believe. The Ferris Wheel was fun as well, getting to see the city from a bird's eye view..or at least a carnie's eye view. Plus: Ice cream shoppe!

Also, we made it to church, as I said, and I got to meet some friendly faces among the members of the ward there.

On external happiness:

How possible is it, realistically, to keep external factors from influencing your own happiness? Is it simply a matter of distancing yourself from the negative influence? Sometimes just walking away from the irritant is enough to maintain your own good mood. But what if you cannot do that? Can you create a forcefield of 'good vibrations' that keep out negative influence simply from positive thinking? It sounds very 60's era flower child, but most so called experts insist that you are ultimately the one responsible for your mood, and no one (or nothing) else.

The kingdom of Butan recently created a statistic called Gross National Happiness that is said to measure the amount of happiness the average citizen feels, as well as the collective happiness of the country. The United States has a similar statistic which tracks monetary wealth. We still believe in the pursuit of happiness, but in the western mindset, material wealth, even living above the poverty line, is an important factor contributing to the happiness of a population. In the more Eastern philosophy of Bhuddist Butan, wealth does not seem to enter into the equation.

Every liberal arts major in America would probably want to side with Butan on this one, but I have to wonder if its realistic to discount external factors like hardship, poverty, difficult times as having a significant effect on a person's happiness. If happiness comes solely from within, that implies that a person can be happy anywhere, and in any situation, given enough mastery of self. If external factors do apply, suddenly mastery of self is not enough. You must be willing to change the unpleasant situation. You must find a solution, be it as simple as walking away from the offending situation or working to overcome it.

Mulling this over, I believe that happiness does come from within, but it must be protected from without. Externalities can damage your sense of well being as surely as acid rain corrodes a cathedral. While a positive attitude can be maintained for at least some time, if you insist on ignoring the problem, eventually it will falter and even a seemingly bottomless pool of patience will run dry. Like the shields on the Millenium Falcon, a good attitude is not meant as a long term solution, merely something to buy you time while you escape those pesky TIE fighters into hyperspace.

A Weekend in Nerac, and Scorpions

2009-10-19T00:36:00.000-07:00

I'm moving my travel blog/musings while travelling to this one. To read older posts, you can go to www.xanga.com/Gavilan .

Well, my friend and I tried another week to get to church on Sunday in Agen, but it remains completely elusive. Phone calls went unanswered. Buses didn't work. Trains don't come to Nerac. Finally, we decided to resort to the last possible option and ride bikes there. Her bike broke down before we left the school....

So it was a frustrating weekend, made more so by starting it off with miscommunication. Why is it so hard to have open, direct communication? It sure would save on a lot of frustration later.

Most arguments seem to arise when both parties are assuming the worst intentions of the other. Because we can never really be inside the head of someone else, we tend to project our own insecurities into what the other is thinking. Its gotten me thinking, I'm sure once my thoughts are organized I'll have more to say on it later.

The poem I posted also had me thinking about the story of the Tortoise and the Scorpion. Is it possible for someone to actually change their nature? Or are we only fooling ourselves when we think that someone is different now? Thousands of battered women continue to return to abusive relationships because of this very illusion. Montaigne was very skeptical about the possibility of true change, which repentance would implicate. "Sure, he treated me like garbage before, but he's different now!" However, Christianity is built around the premise that fundamentally flawed people can be essentially transformed through the Atonement. Is it only through super-human means that a person can actually change what they are? And how easy is it to revert? Does this sort of change necessitate permanence to qualify as 'change'? Greed, selfishness, cowardice, rage, pride...When one's character is largely defined by any of these qualities, is it wrong to expect that it will ever be any different? I tend to be optimistic about human nature...Am I being naive to think that a tiger can change its stripes? I want to believe that a cowardly lion can find courage, that a tin man can grow a heart. My concern is not entirely academic. Like most people, I try to blind myself to my own flaws, but upon reflection I am aware of quite a few. If a self-centered person can become empathetic, can I, a proud man, achieve humility?

We tend to think of our strengths as indivisible aspects of our character, as much a part of what we are as our bodies and spirits. Wit, humor, kindness, courage...these aren't qualities that we merely possess, they define us. "I am brave", not "I have an abundance of courage". "I am kind" not "I have quite a lot of kindness". By the same token, then, are not our negative qualities intrinsic to what makes us 'us'? We view them as cancers on the body of our personality, parasites or flaws to be removed to make the organism healthy and whole. But aren't these traits part of the 'whole' as much as the positive qualities are? Do they govern us as much as our nobler virtues, and are they as difficult to ignore or amputate?

The tortoise blamed the scorpion for stinging him and drowning them both, but was it not the tortoise's fault in assuming the scorpion would stop being what its nature compelled it to be? Should he not have just accepted that, as many nice qualities that the scorpion may have, it is inevitably going to do what its nature compels it to do and sting? What are you thoughts?

These are the thoughts that occupied my mind this weekend, making me much less of an entertaining host than my friend deserved. But, even with me in my own world for most of the visit, we were able to see some interesting sites in Nerac. Henry IV's castle, a park created by Queen Margot, two impressive churches, and a riverside cafe with delicious ice cream helped to console our failed attempts to leave the city.

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
-David Rakoff

Nathan, at one of the outlying tables,

his feet tangled up in the disk jockey's cables,

surveyed the room as unseen as a ghost

while he mulled over what he might say for his toast.

That the couple had asked him for this benediction

seemed at odds with them parking him here by the kitchen.

That he turned up at all was still a surprise,

and not just to him, it was there in the eyes

of the guests who had seen the mirage and drew near

and then covered their shock with a "Nathan, you're here.."

and then, silence, they had nothing to say beyond that.

A few of the braver souls lingered to chat.

They all knew...

It was neither a secret nor mystery

that he and the couple had quite an odd history.

Their bonds were a tangle of friendship and sex.

Josh, his best pal once, and Patty, his ex.

For awhile he could barely go out in the city

without being a punchline or object of pity.

"Poor Nathan" had virtually become his new name.

And so he showed up, just to show he was game,

though, his invite was late, a forgotten addendum.

For Nate, there could be no more clear referendum

that he need but endure through this evening and then

He would likely not see Josh and Patty again.

Josh's sister was speaking, a princess in peach.

Nathan dug in his pocket to study his speech.

He'd pored over bartlets for couplets to filch,

he'd stayed up until three, still came up with zilch,

except for instructions he'd underscored twice,

just two words in length and those words were: "Be Nice"

Too often, he thought, our emotions and betray us

and reason departs once we're up on the dais.

He'd witnessed uncomfortable moments where others had lost their way quickly,

where sisters and brothers had gotten too prickly,

and peppered their babbling

with stories of benders,or lesbian dabbling,

or spot-on impressions of mothers-in-law,

which, True, Nathan thought, always garnered guffaws

but the price seemed too high, with the laughs seldom cloaking

hostility masquerading as joking.

No, he'd swallow his rage and he'd bank all his fire,

he knew that in his case, the bar was set higher.

Folks were just waiting for him to erupt.

They'd be hungry for blood even though they had supped.

They'd want tears or some other unsightly reaction

and Nathan would not give them that satisfaction.

Though Patty, a harlot, and Josh was a lout,

At least Nathan knew what he'd not talk about.

"I won't wish them divorce, that they wither and sicken

or tonight that they choke on their salmon or chicken.

I won't mention that time when the cottage lost power

in that storm on the cape and they left for an hour.

And they thought it was just the cleverest ruse

to pretend it took that long to reset the fuse.

Or that time Josh advised me with so much insistence

that I should grant Patty a little more distance.

That the worst I could do was to hamper and crowd her

that if Patty felt stifled, she'd just take a powder.

That a plant needs its space just as much as its water.

and that I shouldn't give Patty that ring that I bought her.

Which, in retrospect only elicits a 'Gosh,

I hardly deserved a friend like you, Josh'.

No, I won't spill those beans or make myself foolish

to satisfy appetites venal and ghoulish.

I will not be the blot on this hellish affair."

And with that, Nathan pushed out and rose from his chair.

and just by the tapping of knife against crystal,

all eyes turned his way, like he'd fired off a pistol.

"Mmmhmm, Joshua, Patricia, dear family and friends,

A few words, if you will, before everything ends.

You've promised to honor, to love and obey.

We've quaffed our champagne and been cleansed by sorbet,

all in endorsement of your ‘hers and his-dom’.

So now let me add my two cents worth of wisdom.

I was racking my brain sitting here at this table,

until I remembered this suitable fable

that gets at a truth, though it may well distort us,

so herewith the tale of the scorpion and tortoise:

The scorpion was hamstrung, his tail all aquiver;

just how would he manage to get across the river?

“The water’s so deep,” he observed with a sigh,

which pricked at the ears of the tortoise nearby.

“Well why don’t you swim?” asked the slow-moving fellow,

“unless you’re afraid. I mean, what are you, yellow?”

“It isn’t a matter of fear or of whim,”

said the scorpion,

“but that i don’t know how to swim.”

“Ah, forgive me. I didn’t mean to be glib when

i said that. I figured you were an amphibian.”

“No offense taken,” the scorpion replied,

“but how about you help me to reach the far side?

You swim like a dream, and you have what I lack.

Let’s say you take me across on your back?”

“I’m really not sure that’s the best thing to do,”

said the tortoise, “now that i see that it’s you.

You’ve a less than ideal reputation preceding:

there’s talk of your victims all poisoned and bleeding.

You’re the scorpion — and how can I say this — but, well,

I just don’t feel safe with you riding my shell.”

The scorpion replied, “What would killing you prove?

We’d both drown, so tell me: how would that behoove

me to basically die at my very own hand

when all I desire is to be on dry land?”

The tortoise considered the scorpion’s defense.

When he gave it some thought, it made perfect sense.

The niggling voice in his mind he ignored,

and he swam to the bank and called out: “Climb aboard!”

But just a few moments from when they set sail,

the scorpion lashed out with his venomous tail.

The tortoise too late understood that he’d blundered

when he felt his flesh stabbed and his carapace sundered.

As he fought for his life, he said, “tell me why

you have done this! For now we will surely both die!”

“I don’t know!” cried the scorpion. “You never should trust

a creature like me because poison I must!

I’d claim some remorse or at least some compunction,

but I just can’t help it; my form is my function.

You thought I’d behave like my cousin, the crab,

but unlike him, it is but my nature to stab.”

The tortoise expired with one final quiver.

And then both of them sank, swallowed up by the river.

The tortoise was wrong to ignore all his doubts —

because in the end, friends, our natures will out.

So: what can we learn from their watery ends?

Is there some lesson on how to be friends?

I think what it means is that central to living

a life that is good is a life that’s forgiving.

We’re creatures of contact, regardless of whether

we kiss or we wound. Still, we must come together.

Though it may spell destruction, we still ask for more —

since it beats staying dry but so lonely on shore.

So we make ourselves open while knowing full well

it’s essentially saying, “please, come pierce my shell.”